Standing on the Moon
by KNeu21
Summary: Sequel to Beneath the Twilight-Set during New Moon: Leandra, having stayed with the Cullens for the passed several months, gets uprooted once again when her mother steps up. "I'm standing on the moon, with nothing left to do, with a lonely view of heaven, but I'd rather be with you." Rated M to be safe. *Pt2* RE-VAMPED VERSION NOW COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER!: I own nothing but Leandra, and her dysfunctional family. I don't own the Cullens, or anything you may recognize in this story. Okay? Okay. Onward!  
**

**Chapter One**

I sat up in my bed, staring out the window as the sky slowly brightened outside.

It was raining this morning, seeming to fit my mood. I'd had a particularly hard night, waking up every fifteen minutes it seemed like. Usually crying, but sometimes I could hold it in. The nightmares I had hurt me, but no one could keep them away. Not even me.

I knew exactly why I had such a bad night, so it wasn't a mystery. I hated my birthday. I'd always been tortured most by Jack on my birthday. Father's day a close second.

The day had dawned rainy and cold, the 14th of July, the day I turned ten. I didn't feel any different. I didn't feel much like celebrating turning another year older. In fact, I dreaded this day every year. I knew, every time, something bad was going to happen. Something that would hurt me, or something that would take a while to recover from, at least. Even if I wasn't with Jack anymore, I still found myself dreading it.

Carlisle came in to wake me up, but I was already sitting up, much as I had been the whole night. Curled up in the center of the bed, my knees beneath my chin. I sniffled, looking up at him as he made his way over to me. He sat on the side of the bed and sighed.

Since our rocky start, Carlisle and I had grown closer. He knew me better than anyone else on the planet. Sometimes it was like he knew my moods better than Jasper did. Or even I did. He saw my mood swings, or sleepless nights coming when Alice didn't. He knew when I wanted to be alone, and he knew when I needed company. He knew when it was best to avoid certain subjects, and he knew when it was okay. It puzzled me how he knew, but I never asked. I didn't mind. It was nice not having to explain that I just wanted to punch something at any particular moment, or curl into a ball and cry. He already knew.

Over the couple of months, I'd learned of everyone's gift. It was further explained to me about what being a vampire entailed, mostly to cure my curiosity. Even after learning most of what there was to learn about them, I wasn't scared. I understood the dangers, it was true, and it was also true that I was more cautious, more careful about each step I took, but I wasn't afraid. How could have I ever been afraid of the ones that had helped me through so much?

I still talked to my dad now and then, but it'd never been discussed me going back to him. I was pretty positive that he was still afraid of me.

I knew the situation with my mother was being discussed, just behind my back. The day I had to leave. For good this time. I hadn't seen her yet, not since the morning of the day I met Carlisle, but had been told that she looked like a whole new person. I didn't care how she looked. I'd always smell the alcohol on her. I'd always be waiting for a repeat.

I'd been with the Cullens for almost six months as it was. My mother still had a good six more months before she could even be released, if not more, much less care for a child. I understood that as soon as my mom was out of her treatment, she would take the steps necessary to regain custody of me. Something I dreaded with a passion, and avoided thinking about.

Just like my birthday.

"Do I have to have a party today?" I asked quietly, pleading.

"I know you don't want to." Carlisle said quietly, setting a small wrapped gift to the side, "But I think it will get your mind off of things."

"I hate my birthday." I mumbled, resting my chin back on my knees, "I wish I could just forget it."

"I know." He replied gently, "But you know, it might be good to begin making some new birthday memories. Good ones to look back on, instead of the bad."

I couldn't argue with that one. He was right. He was always right. I sighed, scooting closer to him.

I never asked about Jack, I realized, or how long he'd been put away. I didn't want to know. All that mattered to me was that I was safe. I was protected, and he couldn't get to me. I just wanted to forget the entire six years. Just push it out of my mind, and never recall it again. I remembered the panic that day, however. The day of the trial. I remembered it clearly, and wanted to puke everytime it came to mind. It still scared me. It still closed my throat in fear to think about it.

I sighed again, looked down, and climbed off the bed. He followed, taking my hand and leading me from the room.

"I insisted Alice keep it small." Carlisle told me as we headed up the hall, "I thought you could do without a large group today."

"Thank you." I murmured gratefully. We rounded the corner into the living room, and I looked around at the subtle decorations. Pink and white streamers along the banister, and a few tables. Pink and white balloons scattered around. I smiled a little as Alice came to stand beside me. It wasn't too over-the-top like I'd feared. I just saw no reason to celebrate the fact that I hadn't died in the last year.

"What, no petting zoo?" I asked quietly. She smiled at me, seeming to appreciate my choice of attempted humor.

"Your father will be here around noon." She told me, "We're not really expecting much of anyone else." I nodded, looking down.

My father hadn't seen me since the trial. I understood, with him living so far away. He was in my life to a point, something he'd wanted. After my behavior at his house, I wouldn't doubt he dreaded coming today. He should have understood that since I had Carlisle and Esme with me, I wasn't going to misbehave. I would hold my temper.

I dressed before they showed up, my normal jeans-and-a-tshirt outfit. Alice tried to get me to wear a dress, but she stopped trying after I told her I'd rather be trampled by horses than wear one of those. I hated them with a fiery, blazing passion, so it was a rare occasion to ever find me in one. Something about the bare legs thing bothered me. It made me uncomfortable, so I chose to wear jeans instead. I, at least, let her fix my hair. That, I could deal with. Dresses, however, no way.

"Hi, dad." I greeted quietly, giving him a forced but believable smile.

"Hey there, Leandra." He greeted, returning my smile. His was genuine, though. He gave me a quick hug as Rachel and Lily stepped inside behind him, "Happy birthday, sweetheart." I cringed, hating the words. Lily's jaw had dropped, seeing the size of the house. None of them had ever seen the house before, so it was only to be expected that they were surprised.

"You live _here_?" She asked, amazed. Lily had turned five two months back, and seemed as if she were more opinionated. I felt that just by looking at her. I recalled the jealousy I felt over her having my dad around all her life, and suddenly, I felt better about it.

"Yeah." I replied, "Happily."

"Wow." She muttered, still looking around.

"And not even one shattered window." Rachel muttered jokingly. I sat down as my dad's family met the rest of my family. The strong sense of dread so early in the morning was making me tired. Wearing me down.

"No wonder you didn't want to live with us." Lily grumbled, sitting beside me. I frowned, looking over at her, "You came from this huge house, and this huge family."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked her, not liking the way she spoke to me.

"Well, dad's not as rich as Carlisle." She said as if it were obvious, "He couldn't buy you all kinds of things like Carlisle can."

I was speechless.

"Lily." My dad scolded, "That's enough."

"You think I prefer it here because Carlisle is rich?" I demanded over at her, "Tell me you didn't just say that."

"Well, isn't it the reason?" She demanded back at me, narrowing her eyes, "We're not good enough to live with."

"Shut up." I snapped at her, "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Well," My dad said, trying to ease the tension, "At least they're acting like sisters now."

I stood, "Keep that little brat away from me." Striding over to the chair across from the couch, I sat heavily.

"Why?" She barked from the couch, "Because you know I'm right?"

"No, because you're stupid. Making accusations like that tend to piss a lot of people off."

"Leandra." Esme corrected me quietly.

"I don't care if I piss you off or not." Lily replied, "I'm still mad at you for what you did."

"Lilith Marie." Rachel instantly scolded, unhappy about the language she used. Lily looked up at her incredulously.

"Why does she get to say stuff like that?"

"Because I'm twice your age, stupid." I replied, smiling her way, "And I don't. I got in trouble for saying it, too."

"Not as much as I did." She countered, narrowing her eyes, "That's not fair!"

"Oh, the injustice of it all." My dad sighed, frustrated. He lifted Lily up, sitting down and holding her on his lap. Lily pouted and looked away, crossing her arms over her chest, "Are you two finished?"

I sat back, slouching in the chair with a satisfied smirk on my face. I'd won that argument.

"That wasn't very nice, shorty." Emmett chuckled from the side.

"Oh well." I said nonchalantly.

"She's only mean because she has no friends." Lily piped up again. She was quickly starting to remind me of Rachel, the girl I fought with the day I first met Carlisle.

"You shut up." I barked, sitting upright and pointing at her, "I swear, Lily-"

"You can't do anything." She sneered. I stood up, and she instantly cringed.

"That's what I thought." I growled, sitting back down.

"It's true though. Otherwise they'd be here." She was focused on my dad's hand in her own, and I darted up again, racing across the room. Before I could get to her, Emmett lifted me, holding me back by lifting me off my feet, both of his arms around my stomach.

"Okay, you two." My dad groaned, "Lily, stop antagonizing her."

"What's that?" She asked in turn.

"Stop teasing her." He clarified, "And Leandra, calm down. She's five."

"That's no excuse." I grumbled, "I wasn't going around saying that shit when I was five." I grunted as Emmett shook me a little, correcting me, "That crap. Sorry."

"Lily, apologize to Leandra." Rachel sighed from the side, taking Lily from my dad.

"No." Lily said, "Kaitlyn says what she did at our house was because she has no friends. So she's always mad."

"I'm not always mad, you little bi-" I cut off with another grunt. Darn. He'd caught that one.

A knock at the door had Lily and I look to it curiously. Ceasing our arguing for the time being.

"Oh boy." Emmett muttered behind me, setting me on my feet. Carlisle crossed the room, opening the door, and who stepped in next took me off guard. Someone I hadn't seen in six months. Instead of being happy to see them, however, I was upset. A lot. Enough to turn, storming off toward my room, without even speaking to her.

"Gina," I listened to Carlisle call, "Let me speak to her." I stormed into my room, slamming the door closed. Before it closed, I listened to Carlisle catch it, stepping in after me.

"Leandra, I know you're upset-"

"Upset?" I asked, spinning to look at him, "Why would I be upset?" Instantly, I corrected my tone. I wasn't mad at him. I looked down, "I didn't even want to have a stupid party." I sat down heavily on the side of my bed, "I just wanted to be left alone today. Doesn't anyone get that? I hate my birthday, and I hate my mom."

"Don't say that." He replied gently.

"It's true." I mumbled, looking down at my hands, "I can't stand her."

"She's your mother."

"Carlisle, just because she gave birth to me doesn't mean she's my mother. Why would she even be here? Better yet, why would she even think it's okay to be here?" I paused, taking a few breaths, "I didn't want to see her. Otherwise, I would have by now. She's not supposed to be here! She's supposed to be in Seattle. Away from me."

"Just breathe, Leandra." He told me, closing the door, "All we're asking is to just give her a chance."

"A chance?" I scoffed, "Why would I do that?"

"She's been doing so well in her treatment, Leandra." He said quietly, "She's trying so hard."

"I don't care." I mumbled, "She doesn't deserve a chance. I gave her nine and a half years of chances, and she messed up every single one of them." I lifted my old teddy bear to me, setting it in my lap and looking down at it as I ran my fingers through its fur, "She's the worst mom in the world."

"Now that, I don't believe." He said, "Leandra, people make mistakes. I'm, in no way, condoning her past habits, but sometimes people don't realize how badly their choices hurt others. And sometimes, they need to see for themselves the consequences of those choices before they realize that they need to change." I glanced up at him, "She cares about you. I know that for a fact."

I felt my lower lip tremble in emotion, so I bit it and looked back down.

"She never realized before, despite how often you told her, that her choices were hurting you." He sighed, crossing the room and sitting beside me, "Leandra, something you need to understand, is that this is only temporary. When she gets through her treatment, she's going to apply to get custody returned to her, and if the court decides she's fit, it'll be granted."

"I know." I mumbled, still keeping my eyes on the bear, "You've told me before."

"Knowing and understanding are two different matters." He murmured, "Do you understand what that means?" I was quiet, so he explained, "What that means is if she is granted custody of you, you'll be leaving here to live with her again. She'll be responsible for you again. And this time, there will be no taking you back, unless they decide to give you back to us, or she does what your father did, and relinquish her rights to you. This would be final." I turned my eyes up to his.

"She can't be given custody of me." I murmured, "She'll forget about me again. I'll be right back where I started."

"No, you won't." He said, "The court will make sure that there is no chance of that happening again before making any decisions, and it's highly doubtful that she'll fall back into her old ways. Not with how badly she's hurting over this."

"I don't trust the court." I admitted, shaking my head, "I only trust you. And how do we know that this won't turn out like trying to send me with my dad turned out? How do we know I won't be angry all the time?"

"I understand your hesitation. I do." He said quietly, standing with a sigh, "You aren't going anywhere tonight. That much I can promise you. All I'm asking of you is to try. Can you do that?" I sighed also, thinking. I petted the bear a bit more, "I know you don't understand why I'm asking this of you, but please. Just trust me." He held his hand out, and I looked to him before setting the bear to the side. Standing, I took his hand with a sigh, "Thank you."

We headed back out and I watched her turn to me from where she stood talking with Esme. I met her gaze, and my first impression was surprise. I was surprised that she was able to hold my gaze without looking away.

I had to admit, she really did look one hundred percent better. Her hair had grown out, longer than I remember it being. It was somewhat done up, pulled from her face. My mother was really a pretty woman. She looked so much better than what I remembered of her. Standing upright, without swaying. Make-up done, and a pretty white sweater on.

"Leandra." She said quietly, taking a few steps forward. I whimpered and turned, looking up to Carlisle. He returned my gaze, telling me that it was okay. Everything was fine for right then. He patted my shoulder and nudged me forward.

"Look at you." My mother laughed, sadness and tears in her eyes, "How you've grown." Her voice was clearer than I remembered it. It wasn't weighed down by the alcohol. I took a step back as she went to hug me. I felt everyone's eyes on me, waiting for my turn to speak.

"M-Mom.." I said quietly, "Can we save the contact for another time? Please?" I saw the hurt in her eyes, but she nodded.

"Sure, honey." She said, "Of course."

"I'm sorry." I said, "I-It's just.. I'm not ready for hugs.. I feel like I don't even know you."

"I understand." She nodded, the hurt in her eyes easing just a bit, "I can wait."

It went smoother from there, and I honestly made an effort to talk to my mother. I tried, and each time I caught Carlisle's eyes, there was pride in them. He saw how hard this was for me, and he saw I was trying.

I sat on the couch, between my father and mother, wanting so desperately to ask them why they decided being together wasn't as important. They were laughing a little, talking. Seeming to enjoy catching up on what my dad had been up to. Visiting another part of the past I'd missed. They were seeming to get along, which was why I was so confused.

"Well, I'm glad to see you're doing well, Gina." My dad told her, patting Lily's leg as she sat on his lap.

"Thank you." She said, and she meant it, "It hasn't been easy, but I had to try. That way of life wasn't healthy, for either of us." She paused and I knew she looked down at me, "And I'm so happy to see that Leandra is being taken care of. I do have just one question. Why isn't she with you, Chris? I thought for sure she'd go to you, even after.." She trailed off, looking down.

"I chose to stay right where I am." I mumbled, looking at my hands.

"Understatement." My dad laughed, "This kid has a temper." I fidgeted uncomfortably, hating as he continued. His smile faded, "She wasn't happy with me. Right from the start, I could see that."

"Why not?" She asked, looking down at me, "You loved him so much as a baby."

"I'm not a baby anymore, mom." I pointed out, looking up at her, "I haven't been for a long time now."

"I know." She said, looking down. Closing her eyes, I recognized the despair in her features, "Jack. I just don't understand how I could have ever let myself get so wrapped up in my habits and not seen what was going on. As long as I live, I'll never forgive myself." I let her tuck my hair behind my ear, "You mean the world to me, baby."

"Don't bring that up, mom." I shook my head, keeping my eyes down.

"You're right. I'm sorry." She paused and looked up at my dad, "You were there for the trial?"

"I was." My dad said, nodding, "I was. That was.." He cut off with a deep sigh, "Horrible to say the least. Worse than horrible. You couldn't imagine, Gina."

"I knew he had a temper." She murmured, "I just never thought it would get that bad."

"Mom." I warned again, "Change the subject."

She paused again, "I'm so glad she didn't have to go through it alone."

"Oh, of course not." My dad said, shaking his head, "No. She had both me, and Carlisle there with her. He was amazing. He moved faster than I could."

"I owe him my life." I murmured, looking to him seated to the side. He smiled gently at me.

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen." My mom said, looking to him as well, "I can't tell you how incredibly grateful I am at how much you have helped my daughter."

"It was the least I could do." He said gently, nodding to her, "I had to do something."

"Not only that." My mom insisted, "Everything. You saw what I didn't see, and you stepped up for her even when you didn't have to. Giving her so much more of a life than I could. I can't thank you enough."

"You're very welcome." He smiled, looking to me. I smiled softly back at him.

"And all you've done for me, as well." She continued, "This is more than I ever could have asked for." I looked up at her, confused. She smiled down at me, "He and his wife are the ones paying for my treatment."

I blinked in surprise, looking to Carlisle again. I hadn't thought of the costs before. It must have been quite a bit to put someone through treatment.

"Oh." I said, surprise in my voice, "Thank you." I said, looking to him.

"I could never repay you. You and your family certainly are angels." My mom continued.

"Sure you can." Carlisle responded, "Just keep doing well. That's all I ask." I smiled a little, looking down. My smile faded as I realized what her continuing to do well would mean. It would mean that someday soon, she would complete her treatment. If she continued to do well, she would eventually be able to regain custody of me. She wouldn't give me up like my dad had.

I looked back up, looking to Carlisle again. He saw the fear in my eyes, and he gave me a comforting smile in return. He knew that it'd hit me. As if on cue, my mom reached up and smoothed my hair from my shoulders.

It was hours later, and we all still sat talking. Mostly my mom and dad. I'd opened my various gifts. A necklace from Carlisle and Esme, three new sweaters from Alice and Jasper, an art set from Emmett and Rosalie, and a white gold watch from Edward and Bella.

I hadn't had much chance to talk to Bella, as I'd only seen a few glimpses of her over the summer. She and Edward were off on their own a lot. Though I'd asked for nothing for my birthday, they still managed to know what I'd want.

The necklace was a white gold as well, but it was more delicate. On a seemingly fragile, but actually quite sturdy chain was a butterfly shaped pendant made of light pink diamonds, embellished in the white gold. I loved it instantly, smiling despite how I really didn't want to.

The sweaters were smile inducing as well. I actually loved them. Only one was thick, meant as an over sweater. A pale purple color, and a few sizes too big for me as they knew I loved baggy clothes. The other two were fitting, but not too clingy. They were made of thick, but light material. A brown color, and a light pink color. I actually loved them as well. Thankful beyond words that they hadn't gotten me dresses instead.

The art set went without saying. Mostly made up of pencils, since I was always doodling on something. The watch did as well, though I'd probably never wear it. Too afraid of losing it. It was gorgeous, however.

My dad, however, brought me something that I hadn't been expecting. He brought me a photo album, filled with nothing but pictures of my mom, my dad, and myself when I was a baby.

"No way." Emmett chuckled, leaning over the back of the couch to get a look, "Aww, you're so cute."

"Your mom was a pretty good photographer. She loved taking pictures of anything." My dad explained, "Especially of you and I together." I flipped through the pages slowly. I'd never seen these before. I was pretty cute, I had to admit. There were pictures of myself just after being born, laying swaddled in a soft pink blanket. All the way up until I was a chubby little near three year old. Shoulder length auburn hair, and wide green eyes. Just the difference between that girl then, and me now was startling to witness. The happiness in her eyes, there was no mistaking that I had been loved.

There was one picture that caught my eye. The picture of my dad holding a year and a half old me in his arms and both of us looking at a Christmas tree. In the same fashion as I remembered. My hand was outstretched to the tree, as if wanting to grab the lights.

"I remember this." I murmured, laying my finger over the picture and looking up at him, "Barely, but I remember this."

"So do I." He smiled a little at me, "That was Christmas Eve, nineteen-ninety-seven. You were.." He paused trailing off, thinking, "Seventeen months old. You remember that?"

"Yeah." I said, looking back down at the picture, "Barely, but I do." I paused, "Thanks, dad."

"You're welcome." He said, smiling a little, "I thought you'd want that."

My mom got me something a little less meaningful, but I had to admit, I liked it. It was a t-shirt. Again, a few sizes too big, and made of a soft, white cotton. It had a purple rose printed on the front, but was otherwise blank. I loved it, actually.

"I really wasn't sure what to get you, or what anyone else had thought to get you. I was looking around, and saw that, immediately thinking of you."

"Thanks, mom." I said, genuine gratefulness in my voice, "I actually love it."

"Oh, I'm glad." She smiled, relieved, "I was thinking for sure it was too simple."

"I actually prefer simple." I said, "I don't need much to be happy." She smiled in response, and again, it surprised me to see that she was interacting with me. Something else besides grunting at me to go away, or to leave her alone. It was weird to me. I looked down again at the shirt, avoiding her gaze now.

Shortly after that, it was time for everyone to leave. They'd spent several hours here as it was, and my dad wanted to go to Seattle, sight-see before they headed home in the morning.

"Lily." I said as I was saying goodbye to them. She looked up at me, "Really. It's not nice to say those things to people. Sometimes it can really hurt them. I don't want you to grow up acting like the kind of people I grew up with, okay? You should be nice. Try to avoid hurting people."

"What if it's true?"

"You never fully know the truth about anyone until they tell you." I corrected, "A rumor is usually so far from the truth."

"Oh." She said, looking down, "Okay. I'm sorry."

"It's alright." I told her, "Just.. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Would you like people saying those things about you?"

"No." She answered, frowning.

"Then you shouldn't say those things about them. You have an amazing mom and dad, Lily. They love you with all of their hearts, and only want to see you do good things. Not bad things, like me. Show others how good of a job they're doing raising you by being a good example. Okay?" I noticed my dad and Rachel smile softly behind her. I realized that it made me feel better to make others feel better. I smiled to them slightly, silently apologizing with my eyes.

"Okay." Lily said again, smiling a little.

"Come here, brat." I said the word with enough endearment that she didn't seem to mind. I pulled her into a hug, which she returned, "Be good." She laughed, pulling back and looking up at me, "And don't say the things I say. The bad words. Those words really shouldn't be said. Most of them are mean, and hurtful. Okay?"

"Okay." She repeated a third time.

I watched them leave, feeling a little proud of myself. I'd actually interacted with my little sister without yelling at her. She was only a half sister, but we looked close enough alike that nobody would know that.

"Good job, Leandra." Esme beamed behind me, "That was amazing."

"Thanks." I said quietly, turning from the window.

Before my mom left, she kneeled in front of me. I met her eyes, still surprised that she could hold my gaze.

"I'm so glad you're safe, honey." She told me, silently asking for a hug. I sighed and stepped forward, wrapping my arms around her. She returned the hug tightly, and I felt her soft tears at this one gesture. I'd given her so much by just accepting a hug from her, I realized. It was a step, a small step in the direction of learning to forgive her.

She stood, lifting me with her. I wrapped my legs around her stomach as she held me, her arm supporting me, and her other hand on the back of my head.

"Thank you." I whispered to her, surprised when my own tears fell. I guess I'd underestimated just how much her making an effort to recover meant to me.

"For what, sweetheart?" She whispered back.

"Coming here today." I responded, "For showing me how much you're trying."

"Oh, Leandra." She murmured, holding me tighter, "My only regret is that I didn't have this opportunity sooner." She paused, pulling back and looking into my eyes. Her voice was a whisper again, "I'll come back soon, okay? I'll visit again. Is that okay?" I nodded, and she smiled gently at me, "Okay. I love you, Leandra." She gently kissed my forehead and let me down onto my feet.

I sighed once she was gone as well, a cab taking her back to Seattle. I put the necklace that Carlisle and Esme had given me on, smiling down at the way it hung on me.

"You did so well today, Leandra." Esme murmured, coming to sit beside me. She pulled me into her side, and I smiled a little wider, "I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks." I replied quietly, sighing, "I'm feeling a little better. Today wasn't so bad."

She gave my shoulders a squeeze, and I looked up, meeting Carlisle's eyes. His smile told me he was just as proud of me as Esme was. It still bothered me to think that I'd be leaving here again one day, but I comforted myself with the thought that it wouldn't be for several months. I held onto that with all that I was, and sighed, looking back down.

"So let me see this." Emmett said, flopping down beside us, lifting the photo album again. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head.

**A/N: First chapter down. :) I hope you enjoyed it!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

"Emmett, should you really be letting her watch that?" I glanced back at Esme's disapproving voice. I sat with Emmett, two days after my birthday. I sat there, staring at the screen, hardly moving.

On the TV, was a rather disturbing movie. I'd never watched a movie like this before. It dealt a lot with death, including the rather bloody parts of it. It was creepy and heart-wrenching at the same time, displaying death in all of it's vivid detail.

It hit me hard, watching something like this. Especially after hearing about the accident my father almost had on his drive back to Idaho. He didn't, of course, and was able to avoid it, but it still scared me.

"She's fine." Emmett shrugged, "She's tough." Quite the contrary. It bothered me, but I couldn't stop watching. It bothered me, but also brought up a lot of pressing questions I couldn't shake. I wanted to know some things, but didn't know how to go about asking them. I knew who to talk to about it, though. I knew he'd answer my questions.

We headed out on our weekly grocery shopping trip, and this evening, I tagged along.

"Carlisle?" I asked quietly, deciding now was as good of a time as any to ask what had been on my mind. Before we even got there, still in the car.

"Yes?" He responded just as quietly.

"Can I ask you something? It's kind of a weird question."

"Of course." He replied, "You know you can ask me anything." I hesitated for a moment, looking down at the backseat beside me.

"Does it hurt to die?" I finally asked, looking up at him. I watched him glance to Esme before sighing.

"Dying doesn't hurt." He said gently, "Sometimes the events leading up to it can."

"Oh." I murmured.

"Why do you ask?"

"Just curious." I murmured, "It's just something I've been curious about for years."

"Because of what Jack told you?" He asked.

"Sort of." I admitted. I paused, not sure if I should ask the next question, "Would it hurt to take my life?"

He seemed to tense, glancing back at me with worried eyes, "What would make you ask that?"

I looked down, unable to meet his eyes.

"I had to wonder once." I whispered, "I used to think about it all the time. I would rather do it myself, than let him do it. I still feel that way sometimes, when I think about that day. The day of the trial. What he said to me.."

"I won't let him hurt you." He told me firmly, "No matter what. It'll never come down to that, okay?"

"You never know." I said quietly, finally meeting his eyes. Concern entered his eyes then, "I was just curious anyway. I guess I just don't get what it means to die. To just.." I shivered, "Stop existing.."

"You don't have to worry about that." He murmured. I watched out the window now as we arrived, pulling into the parking lot of the small grocery store in town.

"Would I ever die if I was like you?" I knew I'd asked the one question he was hoping he'd never have to answer, by the way he glanced to Esme again.

"It's more complicated than that." He finally replied as he turned off the car.

"Why?"

He was quiet for a moment as he stood, opening my door for me, "I don't know if I can explain it in a way you would understand." He paused as I scooted out as well, "And now isn't the time to answer those kinds of questions, Leandra."

I nodded, following him as he began walking, Esme beside him.

My mind was still stuck on the idea of death. I couldn't get passed it. I was quiet the entire shopping trip, keeping my eyes down. I trailed along behind them, lost in thought. Hardly paying attention to where we were going. Now and then, I had to look up, just to make sure I was following the right people.

I couldn't help my curiosity about them, and though they usually answered my questions, there were some that they wouldn't. I assumed now was one of those times, where Carlisle wouldn't answer these ones, but I still wanted to know. Here I was, in a family of vampires, immortals, and being the only human aside from Bella, I wanted to know these things. She wasn't around the others as much as I was, though. She didn't see as much as I saw, especially during the summer break. I was home all of the time, aside from times when I'd go along with someone somewhere.

I thought my curiosity was perfectly justified, but it didn't make it any easier to answer me.

We left the store into the dark. We always went in the evening, especially if I was going along. I waited until we were all in the car again before speaking.

"Carlisle?" I asked from the backseat. He was quiet, so I asked, "When can I ask about what we talked about before? I'm still curious."

"When you're older." He responded quietly.

"How much older?" I pressed, turning my head to look out the window, "Don't you want me to be like you? You seem so strong, and I'm.. Not. If I was like you, I'd never have to worry about dying, or being weak again." I was babbling, I knew it, but it was distracting me.

"You don't understand what you're asking, Leandra." Carlisle's voice was tight, as if this were a hard subject for him. I knew it probably was.

"What if I were dying? Not even then?" He was quiet, obviously not up for talking about this. I sighed, keeping my eyes out the window. I was quiet for a minute, before speaking again, "I don't want to die. Ever. I want to be like you."

"You're far too young to make that decision right now." Carlisle responded, his voice even tighter. Normally, I didn't press things. Normally, I just stopped asking if it was a question nobody was willing to answer, but I found myself unable to. I knew if I didn't ask these questions now, then it'd probably never come up again.

"No I'm not." I shook my head, "I won't change my mind, no matter how long I live. However long that is." I looked up, surprised when he suddenly pulled the car over, pulling to a stop on the side of the road. I watched as he unbuckled his seat-belt and climbed out. Stepping around, he opened my door and lifted me out. Sitting me on the trunk, he leaned forward, both his hands on the trunk on either side of me, and met my eyes.

"I want you to clearly understand me." His tone wasn't one of scolding, but of pleading. He wasn't mad, he just wanted me to understand, "You've been alive for ten years. Just ten, short years. You have your entire life ahead of you, Leandra. More can happen in ten more years than you can ever begin to imagine. You've just begun to live, and I'm not going to take that from you. I can't."

"B-But, what-"

"No." He said firmly, "You don't want this life."

"Yes, I do." I said before he could interrupt me again.

"You're a child." He responded.

"That doesn't mean anything." I insisted, "You said yourself, I've already lived much more than anyone my age. Being human sucks."

"You haven't experienced enough to make that assumption."

"What more do I have to experience?" I replied pleadingly, "I'm not sure what else there is. How much worse does it have to get before I can change your mind?"

"Life isn't all bad."

"Tell that to me." I mumbled, looking down.

"You're upset right now." He said as if that made up for how I was feeling, "When you've calmed down, you'll change your mind."

"No I won't." I paused, "Carlisle, I'm sick of being so afraid. So tired of being so scared all the time. If I was like you, I wouldn't be afraid of anything. I wouldn't be afraid of dying, or anything else. I could be strong. I could be brave, just like you."

"Leandra, I get scared too." He said, "All the time."

"What do you have to be afraid of?" I asked, looking down.

"This." He said, gesturing to the two of us, "Right here." I frowned, looking up at him, confused, "I fear this the most. You deciding to throw your whole life away for our way of life. If you only understood." He shook his head.

"Does it hurt?" I asked quietly. He paused, meeting my eyes as I looked up.

"Excruciatingly." He said after a moment. I think he was just trying to scare me into changing my mind.

"I don't care." I said after a moment, looking down, "I'm used to pain. I can handle it."

"Not like this." He said quietly, his voice filled with pain, "It's a thousand times more painful than anything you've felt before." I didn't respond, so he continued, "We're not discussing this any further. This is one thing I will not be lenient on."

"What if I was dying?" I asked again, looking up and meeting his eyes.

"Is that what brought this on?" He asked, "The fear of death?"

"Not only that." I mumbled. My voice got quieter, "I'm afraid of losing you. If I was like you, you wouldn't give me away. If I was like you, nobody could take me from you. Least of all my mom." I paused, "But what happens then? If I'm about to die? And I never have a chance to say goodbye? What if I'm scared? What if I'm not ready to die yet, but it would happen anyway?"

He sighed, closing his eyes and hanging his head, "You know I don't like thinking about that."

"It's an honest question." I insisted quietly, "Would you then?"

"I'm not discussing this further." He said firmly after a moment. Lifting me again, he sat me back into the backseat, "I will not take your life." I looked down as he climbed back into the car. I sighed, but let it drop.

I had nightmares that night, mostly consisting of the trial. I was scared, so unbelievably scared in these dreams. He'd come so close to ending my life that day. I felt his hands as they attempted to get a good hold on me. If he'd managed to do that, if he'd managed to get a hold good enough to squeeze, if Carlisle had waited a few more seconds, I'd have been dead right there.

I knew he would have done it, too. The way he acted was so much worse than any other time he'd lost it. It was like he'd lost his mind in his anger. I saw the blind rage burning in his blue eyes, and even now, it scared me into tears.

I'd wake up, sobbing my eyes out. The first six times, I insisted Carlisle go back out into the living room. The seventh time I woke, sometime after three-thirty, I stormed out there myself. More determined than ever as I found Carlisle sitting on the couch, Esme seated beside him.

"Change me." I demanded, sitting down between them. Tears still streaming down my face.

"Leandra, please don't start this again right now." Carlisle murmured, looking over at me, "I know you've had a hard night-"

"I'm tired of being so weak." I said, "I don't care how bad it'll hurt. I want to be able to protect myself. I want to be strong. Like you."

"Leandra, I'm not doing it." He said firmly.

"Please." I plead, kneeling up and looking at him, "When I was there, all I needed was just a little strength, and I wouldn't have needed you to throw him off of me. I could have done it myself. I was so afraid that I'd never see any of you again. I was so scared I was going to die. I don't ever want to have to worry about that again."

"I'm sorry, Leandra." He sighed, shaking his head.

"Please." I plead quieter this time, "Please, Carlisle."

He sighed again, tossing the book he'd been reading onto the coffee table.

"What do I have to do?" I asked, "I'll do anything. I'm begging you." He looked to me. I placed both my hands on his arm, "Please."

"I'm sorry." He said finally. I let my hands fall away, sitting on my heels. I looked down, feeling my eyes burn with tears. Gently, he pulled me to him until I was sitting in his lap, "I told you I wouldn't take your life, and I meant that."

"You'd be giving me so much more in return." I sobbed, "Peace of mind. The ability to defend myself if I needed to. Please, Carlisle."

"Is she begging again?" I looked back at Emmett's voice, watching as he and Rose descended the stairs.

"I'm afraid so." Carlisle sighed.

"I'm serious, Carlisle." I begged, sitting upright, "If you would just-"

"I'm serious as well, Leandra." He told me firmly, "The answer is no. At least, for the time being."

"You're not being fair." I pouted.

"Hey." Emmett called my attention, "That's not being fair." His tone was scolding, and I instantly checked myself. I looked down.

To my surprise, it was Rosalie that stepped over instead of Emmett. She reached down and lifted me from Carlisle's lap, and sat me down in the empty chair, kneeling in front of me.

"Why?" She demanded. I couldn't speak at first, "Really. Why?"

I looked down, "I'm tired of being weak-"

"You're not weak." She said firmly, "You are not weak, do you hear me? I never want to hear that from you again. Just because someone is stronger than you, doesn't mean that you're not strong as well." She paused, "Next."

"I'm tired of being afraid-"

"That never goes away." She said, "Immortal, or human, you still get scared. Try again."

"I don't want to be left again." I looked down.

"Why?" She asked again. I looked up, confused, "Why don't you want to be left?"

"Because." I spluttered, "I love you all."

"Is this about having to go live with your mother?" She asked quietly.

"Sort of." I replied, "I'm scared. All the time. I'm afraid of what could happen."

"Leandra, let me explain something to you." She sighed, "I think I can see where you're coming from. Change scares everyone. Trust me. Change is nothing easy, but I have nothing but the highest confidence that your mother will get it right this time. She's seen what happens, she's seen the consequences and she won't put you through that again."

"That's not the point." I muttered, "If I go back to live with her, you'll forget all about me."

"You really think that?" She asked, surprised.

"Leandra, that would never happen." She said, "Ever."

"If Carlisle turns me, then that won't happen." I reasoned, "You'd never want to give me away."

"It's not that we'd want to give you away, Leandra." Esme commented sadly. I glanced to her, before looking back to Rosalie.

She looked at me as if she'd made her point. She paused before sighing.

"I want you to think, and think hard." She looked into my eyes fiercely, "Consider what you will be losing. Just what you'd be losing out on if you keep insisting Carlisle changes you. That emotion right there, love, is reason enough to stay human. You can't make the decision to give your life to immortality until you've really lived."

She was right. I looked down, doing as she asked, and thinking about just how much I loved my family. How much they meant to me. I guess I hadn't realized before how much I really did rely on this family. How much I really did love them, and how grateful I was for all they'd done for me. The emotion and way I felt right that moment was so breathtakingly beautiful, it broke my heart and it made me cry. Rose pulled me to her, hugging me tightly as I cried into her shoulder.

"I want to be able to defend myself." I cried to her, "I'm so tired of not being able to stand up for myself. Nothing ever hurts you, nothing breaks you. I'm tired of being breakable. I'm tired of being fragile." I sobbed, "These dreams, these fears. They hurt. They show me things I can't stand to see, and I never want to see them again."

"Just because we don't show it, doesn't mean there isn't anything that breaks us. We all have weaknesses, just like you. I do. Emmett does. Carlisle and Esme do. There are still moments when we feel breakable and fragile. Believe me. That doesn't just magically go away, Leandra." She paused, "Once the change is made, it's permanent. There is no changing your mind, or going back. Do you understand what that means? It means forever."

"Forever?"

She sighed, looking down and searching my eyes desperately, "You don't even know just what it is you're asking for, do you? There is more to this than large amounts of strength and speed, Leandra. If you were turned right now, the age you are right now is how old you will be for the rest of time." She said, "You would outlive everyone you've ever known. Years and decades will pass, seeming like no time at all to you, and in what feels like the blink of an eye, everyone you know will be gone. Could you handle that? Imagine the pain of never seeing your mother again. Knowing she's died and you can't even go to her funeral. Imagine that for your mother. Or your father. Your sisters. Their children. Their children's children. Should I go on?" I sniffled into her shoulder, shaking my head, "Carlisle can tell you more about that, though. He's the oldest out of all of us." She was quiet for a moment. She rubbed my back as I held onto her.

"Just breathe." She told me, "It'll pass soon." She was right. I began to calm down, and she pulled back, taking my face between her hands, "There are so many beautiful things to life you will miss out on. You're so young, Leandra. So many beautiful things are waiting for you to just get a little older. You can't even imagine."

She paused, "To grow, to mature. To have fun, and love so deeply. Even to get your heart broken, to learn from life's mistakes. Even getting your heart broken is so beautiful, it'll change you forever. It'll teach you things you can't learn without it. To experience life the way you were supposed to. To live every day like you will die some day. You can't do that when you're like us." She paused again, searching my eyes with pleading ones of her own, "To make mistakes, mess up once in awhile. All you've experienced until now is the worst life has to offer, but there are so many more things to life that you have yet to experience. You'll see."

"How do you know?" I sniffled, "What if things just get worse?"

She smiled slightly, "There is always that chance, it's true." She allowed, "But you never know. Things could become so much more beautiful. You never fully know what you could be throwing away."

"B-But-"

"It's the possibility, Leandra, that gives you the advantage." She said firmly, "The possibilities. What could be. What something that seems so bad at the time can turn into. So many possibilities lie ahead of you. You have the whole world in your hand, and you don't even know it." She paused, "All we're asking is to grow a little first. Then make your decision." I looked down, "Carlisle isn't refusing because he doesn't love you. He isn't refusing because he doesn't want you. He's just.. He's refusing to take your life when you've not even lived yet."

"B-But-" I tried again.

"What you've been through, Leandra, isn't living. Think of it as.. Weighing you down. Holding you back from the life you're supposed to experience. Imagine what you could become when you have had a chance to move passed it. He doesn't want to cut your life short, so to speak, before you've had a chance to experience what we can't. Life." She paused, "He's seen what changing someone can do. Especially when they haven't had a chance to move passed the bad things that's happened to them. Changing them before they've had a chance to heal."

I looked down again. I sighed, knowing she was right.

"Just be patient." She murmured, "You're going to grow up into a beautiful young woman, and probably be too busy with your own life to want to be changed. With high school, and college. Finding a boy that will complete you. Falling in love, getting married. I know it's hard for you, but try to think beyond tomorrow. So very much can change between now and twenty years from now. You just never know. You're much too young to give up now." With that, she pulled me into another hug, "Okay?" She smoothed my hair from my face as I nodded into her shoulder. I understood what she was telling me. It wasn't a flat out no. All they wanted me to do was grow up a little bit before making any decisions.

"Way to go, babe." Emmett murmured from the side after a moment of quiet.

She looked over, giving him a smile before pulling back and standing.

I stood also and walked over to Carlisle, sitting back between him and Esme. I leaned against him, and he sighed, putting his arm around me. I yawned, closing my eyes.

"I'm sorry." I murmured quietly, "For begging so much."

"I definitely understand, Leandra." Carlisle told me, "I honestly do, but Rosalie is right. I'm not denying you this trying to be selfish. I'm only waiting for you to live first. Do you understand what I was saying now?"

"I know now." I nodded, looking up at him, "I just have to wait a few years."

"Or ten. Or twenty. There is no obligation here, Leandra. You have the option to change your mind. You always will, until after it's done." I nodded and he hugged me tighter, rubbing my arm.

He took me back to bed.

"Carlisle?" I murmured, looking up at him, "I'm curious now."

"There really are no limits to your curiosity, are there?" I shook my head and he chuckled, "About what?"

"How old are you?"

He chuckled again, looking down briefly, "I was turned at twenty-three." He said.

"How long ago?"

He paused, before answering, "Three hundred and sixty three years ago." My jaw dropped, my eyes went wide.

"Okay." I said finally, recovering my breathing, "Ten years definitely doesn't seem that long."

"It really isn't."

"I'll wait." I murmured, closing my eyes, "But if I die, it's on you."

I heard his quiet chuckle as I was falling asleep.

**A/N: Chapter Two! I wanted to get chapter three done before I uploaded these, hence the long wait. I apologize.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

I didn't ask about being turned again.

The rest of the summer mostly consisted of more frequent visits with my mother, getting to know her again. It seemed like she was there every day. She told me she'd be buying a more suitable home somewhere in town.

She'd already sold the trailer, thankfully. We wouldn't have to go back there.

I'd be allowed to visit with the Cullens as often as I wanted. She even showed me pages of potential homes.

I hated the subject of going home with her. I knew I would not handle that well, so I avoided it as much as I could.

It wasn't until two weeks of non-stop visits with my mom that I'd been informed of the fact that the reason she was there so much, was because she'd gotten out early. She'd completed the program ahead of time, and that news felt like a punch to the stomach.

"What?" I gasped, unable to fully comprehend what she told me.

"Yeah." She laughed, nodding, "Two weeks to the day. Isn't that great? I've already got a job interview lined up for Monday, and another on Wednesday."

"Job?" That was fast. I felt my world shifting again, changing around me once more. Changing so quickly, I couldn't catch my breath. I couldn't deal with this.

"Dr. Cullen was so gracious, Leandra." She said, not even noticing my impending breakdown, "With the money I got from the trailer, and what he chipped in for us, I was able to buy that little yellow house. You know the one, with the tree in the big backyard, right outside your bedroom window? Oh, honey. This is going to work this time. I know it." I clenched my teeth. If she didn't shut up, I was going to hit her. Esme, noticing my mood as she sat across from us, called my attention.

"Leandra." She murmured, concerned, "Breathe, honey." I looked to her, and just noticed I hadn't taken a breath in a minute. I let out what breath I'd been holding, before closing my eyes and taking another in. It was during that breath that the tears started.

I was so angry no one had told me.

I stood without a word, and strode from the room.

"Leandra." My mom called behind me, "Leandra, wait." I slammed my bedroom door, locking it with shaking fingers. I now had maybe two weeks at the most still here. I sobbed in my anger, unable to keep it back. How dare she? How could she do that to me? Her completing the program early only screwed me over. Again. I'd counted on months here, not weeks. What hurt the most, was that my family knew about this. They'd known for weeks, even Carlisle, and nobody felt I needed to know this.

I collapsed into a crying ball on the floor beside my bed, drawing my knees up to my chest. I stayed in that position all afternoon, not unlocking the door for anyone. Despite how many knocks came to the door. There was only one person I wanted to see at that moment, and he was still at work.

When he arrived home sooner than usual, I knew Esme had called him. I uncurled, striding to the door when I heard his knock. I pulled it open long enough for him to step in and I slammed it behind him.

"How could you?" I demanded instantly. I'd calmed down, but as soon as the opportunity to confront him arose, my emotions resurfaced.

"Leandra, just listen for a moment." He murmured calmly.

"How could you not tell me? Didn't I deserve to know this?" I sobbed, backing up a step when he attempted to pull me into a hug, "You know what this means! She's gonna get a job, she's gonna prove that she can take care of me, and then she's gonna ruin my life!"

"Look at me." I turned my eyes up to his, tears streaming heavily down my flushed cheeks, "You can't see it like that."

"How else am I supposed to see it?" My voice broke in my emotion, a sob escaping, "That's all I've ever gotten from her!" This time, I let him pull me into a hug, wrapping my arms around him. I cried into his jacket, more upset than I had been in a while. He embraced me in return, waiting until I took a few breaths before speaking again.

"I know this seems so much like we're betraying you." He murmured gently, "But you have to look at this from our point of view. As much as you mean to all of us, Leandra, you belong somewhere you can grow up without the dangers we pose to you. We'll still be here. You can still see us. Whenever you want."

"You're not dangerous to me." I sobbed, shaking my head, "None of you are. How could you think that? How could you ever think I'm better off with that bitch?"

"Leandra." Carlisle murmured, correcting me.

"It's true." I cried. Carlisle lifted me, and I wrapped my arms around his neck this time, crying into his shoulder, "It's her fault. It's all her fault, everything that happened. She married him! She didn't _listen_!" He didn't speak. He let me vent, which was exactly what I needed at that moment, "I cried for her. Every day, I cried for her to listen. To just hear me. She never did, Carlisle. Not once did she get up off the couch, or get out of bed and come save me. She just let him hit me. She just let him do whatever he wanted to me, because she was too damn drunk to stop him from hurting her only daughter. She never came to help me. I don't want to go with her, Carlisle. Don't let her take me. I want to stay here. Please, please don't let her take me." I already knew his answer. It wasn't their choice. Once she regained custody, I was hers again. Whether they wanted to or not, they'd have to let me go. I hated putting him through this, having to hear me beg, but I couldn't help it.

His hand came up, smoothing the back of my head, comforting me just a bit.

"I know this is hard on you." He told me, "And I know this is hard to understand. If the court decides for you to go, you're going to go. There's nothing we can do."

"You can hide me." I suggested, "Anywhere but here. I don't care where, just don't let her take me from you." I pulled back, searching his eyes in the dimly lit room, "Don't let her take me from you like she took me from my dad. That's what she's doing. She hates that I'm happy where I am, and she wants to ruin my life. You're the closest I've ever come to having a dad again, and I don't want to lose you too."

"Leandra." He sighed, hugging me to him again. I heard the sadness and pain in his voice, and I knew I was hurting him with my begging. I bit back anything else I had to say, choosing just to cry instead.

It took a week, even less before she had secured one job. Another quickly following. Pulling in steady income, but was still home often enough to be considered fit.

The week after school started again, August tenth, the date for the custody hearing was set for the thirteenth. Both Carlisle and Esme would be there, as they were both my foster parents. All my mom would have to do was prove she could care for me, prove that she'd gotten everything together, and that was it.

When I got home from school that day, I learned it'd gone in her favor. I knew before that it probably would, but I still couldn't help but hope that it wouldn't.

I cried all afternoon.

Carlisle attempted to console me, assuring me that he knew my mother was fit again to care for me, and that he'd keep watch over me. Nothing he told me helped. I stayed curled up on my bed, sobbing quietly.

I'd made myself sick that night by how upset I'd gotten. It didn't change anything, unfortunately.

I was to move out that weekend. The fifteenth, sixteenth, and seventeenth.

All through the weekend, we packed my things and took them to my mother's house. I hadn't realized I had so many things, but luckily, my new bedroom was big enough to fit everything. A double bed sat in the corner against the wall behind where the door opened into the room. Much smaller than the queen sized bed I was used to. I had a feeling I'd roll off the side of it.

I looked around my finished room on the seventeenth, knowing this was where I would stay. Part of me knew this was it. No amount of fit throwing would get me back into the Cullen's house. All of my clothes were in the dresser and closet. All my stuff, picture frames and things, were set up. The room was also much smaller than I was used to, but I knew my mom couldn't afford anything like the Cullens had. Nor did she need a place that big. A tiny lamp shaped nightlight sat on the dresser across from the door, a pink shade over it made the room glow almost. That was the only light on in the room, despite the lamp I had beside the bed, and the overhead light.

Carlisle stood beside me, looking around also. As hard as I looked at the room, I couldn't think of it as home. It was strange. It felt strange, it smelled strange, it looked strange, it wasn't home. The hardwood was cold, even through my shoes.

Carlisle went to leave that day, this time not bringing me with him. I clung to him, crying. He kneeled down in front of me and looked into my eyes. I'll never forget the look he gave me, a mix somewhere between pain and trying to be strong.

"You'll be okay here." He told me, "Please. Give it a try."

"Don't leave me here." I plead, my voice breaking, "You promised you'd never give me away again."

"I'm not, Leandra." He said, "I'm not giving you away." His voice was quiet, and I heard the pain he attempted to hide.

I watched as he stood, gave my shoulder one last comforting squeeze, and left.

I had nightmares that night, watching Carlisle leave over and over. Each time, I'd wake up in tears. My heart had broken, sitting up in my bed, it made itself known.

No one came in to comfort me. No one came in, because no one heard my cries.

It was lonely here, and I hated it. I was alone here, and I was afraid. My room seemed cold, though I knew it was perfectly warm. I shivered, holding onto myself. I laid down, curling onto my side, my back to the rest of the room. I sobbed softly, wishing I could sleep, wishing I could be comforted by someone. My mother wouldn't be the one to satisfy that, even if she did come in.

I wanted my family.

I sat up in my bed again, determined now. I looked at the clock. 12:13am. I jumped up and pulled on a pair of jeans and a coat over my pj top, walked to my window and threw it open. If they wouldn't come to me, I would go to them.

Just as I jumped out, I was pulled into a hug. It was Carlisle. He was there. I realized this, clung to him, and cried. He lifted me to him.

"Tomorrow night, I won't be here." He told me as I started to calm down, "I have to ask you to stay here."

I didn't respond as he carried me back into my window and sat me back in bed. I felt myself torn from him as he stood back and looked at me.

"Stay here."

"But I don't want to be here." I told him quietly, shaking my head.

"I know." He responded, "I know you don't. Please believe me. This is hard for all of us too, but this is the way it has to be." I watched as he turned and exited, closing the window softly behind him.

The next morning, I stayed home. My mom had left around 5 to go to work, not even home to see me off to school. I sat on the couch, curled up and watching some old Disney movie that was on TV.

I was still tired, kind of out of it. The pain of my broken heart radiated through me, a constant ache that I doubted would heal.

That night, I had trouble sleeping again.

Climbing through my window again, just as Carlisle had said, he wasn't there. I ran through town, through the rain. I stopped when their drive broke out into the meadow, and I looked at the house. Brightly lit, welcoming and warm. I panted, shivered as more rain fell on me. Soaking me through my coat, flattening my hair to my head.

I watched Carlisle coming down the stairs as I made it up the last step onto the porch. He opened the door and lifted me again. Hugging me, shivering, to him.

"Leandra." He scolded softly in a sigh. I returned the hug as tight as I could, crying. He turned, bringing me inside.

I was given dry clothes, and disappointed looks from everyone. I wasn't ashamed, though. Not in the slightest. This was where I wanted to be. Not at my mother's, not in a cold lonely bedroom that didn't feel like mine.

Alice sat brushing my hair out, as Carlisle spoke.

"I don't want you doing this again." He said quietly, "Leandra, you have to stay there. Not only is it dangerous, roaming the streets at night, but-"

"I don't want-"

"I know you don't, Leandra, but this is the way it has to be. They've made their decision, and it's final. I need you to accept that." He paused, and I looked down, "I'll be there tomorrow to discuss your actions with your mother."

"She works tomorrow afternoon."

"I'm aware of her work schedule." Carlisle told me.

"But if you come by to talk to her before she goes to work, I'll be at school." I pouted, looking up at him, "I won't see you."

"I know." He said, "And I expect you to be at school tomorrow. I know you didn't go yesterday."

"Leandra." I looked back at Alice, "Maybe if you're good the rest of the week, your mom will let you sleep over this weekend." I couldn't fight the smile that resulted, "What do you think?" I looked back to Carlisle, my smile still there.

"Can I?"

"Only if you behave yourself." He said, a hint of relief in his voice, "Which means staying put. Going to school, and sleeping at night." I looked down.

"I miss you." I admitted, looking back up at him, "Will you visit? Please?" I wasn't asking for too terribly much. His eyes softened, and he nodded.

"I will." He told me, "Don't worry."

The rest of the week went smoother, at least in Carlisle's eyes. I stayed put. I didn't crawl out of my window at night. I went to school, concentrated the best I could.

I hardly ate anything, however, and hardly slept. I tried to sleep, but it was nearly impossible with the empty ache in my heart. My old nightmares had come forward again, ones of my stepfather. This time, I had no one to comfort me at night. No one to dry my eyes, no one to hold me when they got bad.

Friday came, and my hopes raised.

"Mom," I asked quietly, looking into her room before school, "Can I spend the night at Carlisle and Esme's house tonight?"

"Sure honey." She said sleepily. She'd just got done working a night shift, and had to be at her other job in two hours. I already saw it. I saw the way she was working herself too hard, but I didn't say anything.

She knew how hard this was on me, which was hard enough on her. I didn't want to tell her about my nightmares.

"Thank you." I said, turning from the room and heading back into my room, getting dressed for school.

School was also a lonely place. Since starting fifth grade, there were just a handful of others I didn't know. A few of them had tried to make friends with me, I wouldn't deny that. There was one boy that refused to give up, no matter how many times I'd tell him to buzz off. He'd find me every recess, and sit by me, chatting away until we had to go back inside.

He was ten, almost eleven and his dark brown hair matched his eye color. His name was Andrew, and despite how I tried not to, I looked forward to seeing him each day. I never talked to him other than to tell him to go away, so I doubted I could consider him a friend, as that's not how friendships work, but I was beginning to mind him less and less.

I was always in the background here, but I didn't mind. Once again, this year, I was the smallest in my class. Not only height wise, but build wise as well. I'd get the occasional "small-fry" comment, but that was as far as teasing went so far, for which I was extremely grateful.

According to the teacher, I was quite smart for my age. I didn't see any difference between my classmates and I, so I didn't bother letting that go to my head. All I knew is I got good grades without really trying, and that's all that mattered.

I wasn't sure how I was going to get to the Cullen's house after school, so I figured I would call Alice when I got home. Out of reflex, something I always did, I looked to the parking lot when school let out. Spotting a very familiar vehicle, I immediately grinned ran to the black car as fast as I could, nearly tripping several times.

Unfortunately, Andrew saw and came running up to me.

"Hey." He said, striding beside me. I paused in my walking, frowning over at him, "Whatcha looking at?"

"Nothing." I replied, the first non-offending word I'd said to him.

"You were smiling for once." He pointed out, "I'm just curious."

"My dad is here." I said, gesturing to the black car. He looked in that direction, smiling a little.

"Oh, okay." He said, nodding, "Well, I'll let you get going then. See you on Monday, Leandra." He gave me another smile, turning and leaving. I watched, confused, after him. Eventually, I shrugged and continued on.

"My mom said yes." I said, opening the door.

"She let me know." Carlisle smiled over at me as I jumped in, "Remember. This is just for tonight."

"I know." I sighed, tossing my bag in the backseat. It'd been a few days since I'd seen my family, and I was already missing them like crazy. I'd seen Carlisle, as he'd been by the house every day, but I hadn't seen Jasper or Alice. Emmett or Rose. Edward or Bella. Not even Esme. I missed all of them as well, and couldn't wait to see them. Carlisle probably wouldn't let them visit, trying to help me adjust.

Their school let out before mine did, as they started class earlier in the morning than I did, so when I got there, they were already home. I ran straight for Emmett, the first one I saw when I walked in.

I jumped over the back of the couch, hugging onto him as tight as I could over his shoulders. He chuckled, pulling me over the back of the couch fully, cradling me onto his lap. I giggled as he squealed, hugging me tight.

"Were you good this week?" He asked down at me.

"I tried to be." I replied, smiling sadly up at him, "I stayed home."

"That's good." He said, nodding.

I greeted everyone else that way as I saw them, before falling asleep in exhaustion by 5:30pm. I had to be woken up for dinner, and I ate a full meal for the first time in a week that night. Even grabbing seconds.

The weeks passed, and eventually a month passed this way, every weekend I'd get the treat of staying over Friday and sometimes Saturday too because my mom worked, if I was good during the week. I was dropped off on Sunday, which was now my designated crying day. I started seeing less and less of Carlisle, and I realized he was probably trying to ease me into this the best he could. If he was around all the time, I wouldn't adjust.

In the beginning, he'd visit each day for about an hour or two. Slowly, the length of his visits tapered of, becoming only half an hour, maybe fifteen minutes. After awhile, he stopped coming over, and just called every other day instead. Even when I was over at their house, he wasn't around. He knew that he meant the most to me, and it'd be hardest for me to let him go.

My bedroom had begun to feel a little warmer, as I was getting used to it. I hardly noticed when I started to adjust, so it took me by surprise when I realized that I had started to. It also took me by surprise to realize that I was thinking about the Cullens less and less. I could focus on something else for short periods of time. Carlisle's efforts to adjust me to staying here were working, but I'd never admit that.

My mom, though working hard, was never short with me. She knew how hard this was, thanks to Carlisle explaining it to her. She never expected anything from me, but just to behave and do well in school. That was it, and it helped. I did some housework, mostly to pull myself out of a depression, but just the light stuff. Picking things up, washing dishes, doing laundry, things like that. It felt nice, actually, to have something to do. Esme always did all the housework while I lived with them, and I wasn't needed. The house was always spotless there. Here, this house needed someone to look after it since my mom worked two jobs. I didn't want to dump it all on her on the single day off she had.

I still had trouble sleeping, however, desperately missing the way I'd be comforted on the weekends. Knowing when I'd wake from a nightmare, that someone was always on their way. That was a very comforting feeling, and it helped me feel more secure. Here, I didn't have that. Here, when I'd wake from a nightmare, nobody knew it.

I sighed, tossing my untouched piece of toast onto the plate in front of me. Today was Monday, and my stomach was nervous. I wasn't used to being allowed over at their house on Monday.

Today was Bella's birthday party, September 13th.

**A/N: Bam. You know where this is going, doncha? ;D Hope you enjoyed! :)  
****In other news, Happy New Year everyone! ****Everyone in the house here is sick, and I'm just now catching it. Lovely! I hope your New Year is better than mine is so far lol **  



	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four **

"You look horrible." I rolled my eyes at Andrew's voice, keeping my gaze down. Recess had just started, so I was stuck with him bugging me for the next half hour. My fingers played with the butterfly pendant still around my neck absentmindedly as I sat on a swing.

"Seriously." He took the swing beside me, "The last time I looked like that, I was sick. You're not sick, are you?"

"No." I said, "I'm not sick."

Encouraged by my response, he grinned, "Good. Because being sick isn't any fun. I remember the last time I was sick, I couldn't eat anything for two whole days. Man, I was starving by the time that thing passed." He waited, probably for a response. When none came, he changed the subject, "How come you never talk? You must be really shy. It's okay, because so am I. I don't talk much to anyone else. They all think I'm weird."

I looked over at him, "Why?"

"Because I never talk." He laughed, "I never talk to them, because they think I'm weird. They think I'm weird, because I never talk. It's funny how things work sometimes, huh?" He made sense when I actually listened to him.

"Yeah." I mumbled, looking forward again.

"So hey," He said, "I only know your name, because people from your class talk about you."

"They think I'm weird, too." I explained quietly.

"I noticed you were always sitting alone." He said, "I thought I'd come be your friend."

"Why?" I asked, looking over at him once more.

"Because you looked lonely, and could probably use a friend."

"I was always so mean to you, though."

"I could tell that you really didn't mean it." He smiled a little, "I won't give up on you, friend." I couldn't help but smile a little. It was quiet for a moment, the only sound being the normal sounds of kids playing further out on the playground. However small it was. It wasn't raining today, so they weren't afraid of getting wet.

"So what's bothering you?" He asked, looking over at me.

"Nothing." I immediately said, sighing.

"It's okay to tell me." He said, "Really, who will I tell? Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't." I thumbed the sleeve of my sweater, keeping my eyes on the ground, "It might help to talk to someone about it."

"My.." I didn't know how to explain it right, "My mom finished her treatment, and I have to live with her again." He waited, confused, "I didn't want to move back in with her. I wanted to stay with the family I was with while she couldn't take me."

"Oh." He said, nodding, "How long were you with them?"

"A couple of months. Almost six."

"Don't you get to see them?" He asked.

"Yeah." I said, "But I still miss them. I hate my mom."

"Wow. She must have done something bad to make you hate her." He was wanting more information. I wasn't comfortable telling him.

"She did." I replied, "I miss my family. They're all I could have asked for. My mom just hates letting me be happy."

"Who were they?" He asked quietly, "I might know them."

"I don't doubt it." I sighed, "The whole town knows them. The Cullens."

"Oh!" He looked over, grinning, "Yeah I know them. Dr. Cullen fixed my broken arm last year. He even gave me a blue cast, because I didn't like the green one."

"Yeah." I nodded, looking down, "That sounds like him."

"He was your dad?"

"Foster dad." I admitted, "But the closest I ever came to having one."

"I'm sorry." He said honestly, "And your mom won't just let you stay with them?"

"No." I replied, "It's final. She thinks she's doing this amazing thing for me, but she doesn't get that I just wanted to stay with them. It's not fair."

"Have you tried talking to her about it? Letting her know how you feel? That helps me sometimes."

"No." I shook my head, "It wouldn't change anything."

"You never know." I looked over at him, giving him a sad smile.

"Thanks." I said, "For listening to me complain."

"No problem." He grinned in return, "I don't mind it, really. I'm a pretty good listener. Did talking about it help, at least?"

"A little." I admitted, shrugging.

"I'm glad." He replied, "At least I'm good for something." I frowned, looking over at him.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked quietly. Recognizing just a hint of misery in his voice, hardly detectable. I knew it, though, because I'd felt it before.

"Nothing." He shook his head, laughing. I saw now. His laughter, his jokes, and his bubbly personality were a cover. How could I not have noticed this before? I saw something in him that I used to see all the time in myself. His smile faded a bit, and he looked down.

"So, uhm.." I said, looking down as well, "Do you live in town, or..?"

"In town." He confirmed, and he told me the general vicinity of his house. Three streets down from main street, behind the general store. It turned out he lived on the next block. Easily within walking distance from my mom's house.

"We live close to each other." I pointed out, "That's near me, too."

"Wanna come over to my house after school?" He asked, smiling.

"I can't." I said, "I'm getting picked up for a birthday party tonight."

"Oh." He said, "Maybe tomorrow?"

"Maybe." I said, "I'll have to ask my mom."

"Cool." He nodded, looking as if I just made his day.

We talked the rest of recess, and I found him very easy to get along with. I even smiled once or twice.

By the time school was over, he met me outside my classroom door, and we headed toward the parking lot together.

"My dad's picking me up." He told me.

"Oh." I said, nodding, "Well, that's my sister's car. Well, foster sister." I murmured, gesturing to the shiny red convertible sitting by the curb. I spotted Alice, grinning our way from the passenger seat of Rosalie's car.

"Okay." He nodded, "So I'll see you around?"

"Yeah." I agreed, "Yeah I think so."

"Cool. Okay then. Bye." He grinned, and without warning, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to my cheek. I turned bright red, really fast. Before I could ask him about it, he'd already turned, heading toward a gold colored car. I stood there, watching him walk away for a few seconds before I could even move. I turned numbly, heading toward them. Alice stepped out to let me into the backseat, flipping the seat forward. She grinned widely, and I knew she saw that.

I wished I'd been prepared for that, instead of standing there like an idiot. If I'd have known he was going to do that, I would have run off, screaming in the opposite direction. I still felt like doing that, weirdly enough. My stomach felt a little queasy and nervous.

"Why'd he do that?" I asked quietly as Alice climbed back into the car.

"He likes you." She smiled back at me.

"So?" I asked, "Doesn't mean he has to do that." My cheeks held their blush, and I looked down.

"He wanted you to know it." Rose said as she pulled away from the curb.

"He could have just said so." I cringed, shaking my head.

"Well, it was cute." Alice chirped excitedly, "I think it's nice you have a friend."

I'd gotten a gift for Bella, and lifted the box from the backseat along with my backpack as we climbed out. I'd gotten her a dark blue blouse with pastel pink flowers embroidered on it.

When we got in, most of the decorations were already in place. So all there really was for me to do was socialize until Edward brought her home. And change clothes. I took one look at the dress Alice held up, and all I could think for a second was, 'That's awful small for her.'

Then it hit me.

"Leandra." She called as I dashed upstairs.

"I might be a girl, but you can't make me look like one!" I called back, finding a closet to hide in.

Eventually, by bribing me, she managed to get me out of hiding, and into the dress. I hated it, hated it deeply, and it showed. My scowl announced my displeasure as she led me back downstairs.

"She's not happy." Jasper chuckled from the side, helping Rosalie arrange some flowers.

"Tough." Alice grinned back at me, "It's about time she starts acting like a girl."

"Why?" I demanded, "You know I hate this dressy crap."

"She already sounds like one." Emmett gushed, pinching my cheek as I walked passed him. I swung, missing him but making him pull his hand away.

"Should I remind you about Andrew?" Alice asked smugly, picking up another vase.

"No." I growled, blushing once again, "I don't know why he did that."

"Who is Andrew?" Emmett asked, immediately grinning.

"A boy at her school." I sat down on the couch as she explained, pouting, "He gave her a kiss on the cheek today."

"Oh really?" Emmett asked over the quiet murmur of 'Aww's.

"He lives by my mom's house." I muttered.

"Should I show him my bat?" Emmett asked, and I looked up, seeing he was serious.

"No." I said incredulously, "He didn't do anything wrong. Sure, it bugged me, but he didn't mean anything by it."

"He was letting you know he likes you." Alice explained again, grinning.

"I know, I know." I rolled my eyes.

"Breaking hearts already?" Jasper asked, amused.

"No." I said immediately, "I don't even know what that means."

"It means," Emmett said, sitting beside me on the armrest of the couch, "That you're _so_ pretty, boys fall for you, but you don't like them back."

"Even without all this girly crap." I said, making my point.

Alice jumped up, heading toward the door. I heard her talking to Edward.

"Upstairs until we're finished." She barked, and Edward's chuckle had me smile a little as well, "Everything has to be perfect."

"Leandra." Esme called my attention, "Want to help?" I looked down, honestly considering it. I felt like a cat that had just had a leash placed on it for the first time. Stiff and uncomfortable, not moving unless you either take off the leash, or drag it.

"Not really." I admitted sheepishly, "I'd rather just stay stationary." She laughed quietly, nodding.

I looked up as Carlisle made his way downstairs, giving me an apologetic smile.

"I see Alice managed to get a hold of you." He murmured, making his way over to me.

"Unfortunately." I grumbled, looking down at the monstrosity I was wearing. It really wasn't that bad. The dress was a pastel colored blue, thin straps over the shoulders. Darker blue flowers embroidered in a 'Y' shape down the front. It wasn't too tight, or too loose, and it came to just below my knees, but I still hated it.

Carlisle, seeing my discomfort, smiled and laughed a little, "I think you look great."

"Thanks." I muttered, letting help me to my feet. I looked up at him once I was standing, "I can't stay tonight, can I?"

"Sorry, Leandra." He said, hugging me into his side.

"Mom's working late tonight." I offered, hoping that would change his mind, "I'm sure she won't mind as long as she knows I'm here."

He sighed, looking down at me.

"We'll discuss it after the party, okay?" He asked, and I grinned, nodding.

"Okay." Esme finally said, "Looks like we're finished."

Alice stopped to readjust the presents on a table before dashing upstairs. I stayed against his side, wishing I really didn't have to go home after this. I looked up at Carlisle, and he smiled down at me.

I understood that the only reason I was given back to my mother, was because the court ordered me to be. I understood that they didn't have a choice in the matter. That if it were up to Esme and Carlisle, they would have kept me. I also comforted myself with the thought that Carlisle would be keeping an eye on me, and my home situation. That if things were to go wrong, he'd save me. He'd be there.

"Smile, sweetheart." Esme told me quietly, smiling sadly.

"It's hard to." I admitted, looking over at her.

"I know." She said quietly, taking my hand. I looked down before I could start crying again, and took a deep breath, trying so hard to be strong.

I sighed and forced a smile as Bella, Edward and Alice all came back downstairs.

I watched patiently as a few pictures were snapped, and a gift was given to her. As far as I was concerned, I didn't care if she took all night to open her gifts. I wanted to tell her to take her time. Don't rush. The longer she drew this out, the longer I could stay.

Slowly, I allowed myself to step closer, to be more a part of the party instead of a wall flower. Eventually, I was standing beside Bella, curiously looking over her shoulder.

It was when she was opening Esme and Carlisle's gift that things went horribly wrong. I frowned as she gave a quiet yelp of pain, the thin wrapping paper cutting into the skin of her finger. Suddenly, everything around me tensed.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. First, I saw the blood slowly leak from the wound. Second, I remember recalling what I knew about this family. They were vampires, and resisted human blood. Third, I also recalled how it was a constant battle. What would happen if they ever lost it? Carlisle always stressed how I was constantly in danger here. I had a feeling, even before anything happened, that I was about to find out what he meant by that.

That's when everything sped up. I gave a loud yelp as I was lifted around the stomach, and yanked backwards, away from Bella. Far off to the side, far away from where everything was going on. I watched from behind Esme as Bella was shoved rather roughly back by Edward, before he spun and shoved Jasper, seeming more angry than I'd ever seen him as he charged toward Bella, across the room and into Edward's piano, shattering it to splinters when he landed on it. I flinched at the sound it made, whimpering quietly. I watched, wide eyed, as Jasper quickly righted himself, and started for Bella again.

Luckily, Carlisle and Emmett managed to grab a hold of Jasper and restrain him this time. Jasper snarled and fought in their grip, his suddenly black eyes on Bella. I feared for Carlisle and Emmett's safety. I'd never seen any of them act this way, and it scared me. My breathing raced, and my eyes stayed on Jasper.

I looked to Bella, frightened for her also, when I saw that when she'd been shoved back, she'd landed against the far table, glass shattering into her skin and cutting her far worse than the paper had. I trembled behind Esme, taking in the scene with fearful eyes.

Everything seemed to still, Alice attempting to calm Jasper.

"Get Jasper out of here." Carlisle said to the group, and the room began to clear, "Leandra, you come with us." I was led over to Carlisle as he helped Bella off the floor. I looked back, seeing that Jasper's eyes were on me this time as he was being dragged from the room, and I quickly scooted to the other side of Carlisle.

The room was suddenly empty, only the three of us standing there. Bella looked frightened, but not as much as I was. I trembled in fear, now understanding what Carlisle had meant. Silently thanking my lucky stars that I had never bled around them.

I followed the two of them upstairs, not a word from either of them. My hand was balled in the back of Carlisle's shirt, afraid to let go. I knew I was safest with Carlisle, but I couldn't help but glance behind me every so many feet, making sure it was just us.

I was quiet the entire time he stitched her up. I watched from across the room, still trembling as he gently sewed up her skin. They talked, but I tuned it out. I sat in a chair to the side, my legs brought up to my chest.

"Carlisle?" I asked when he'd finished. He looked over at me sadly, "I-Is that what you meant? A-All those times?"

"Yes." Carlisle sighed, continuing to clean up. He didn't continue so I slowly stood, and made my way over to him.

"It wasn't anybody's fault." I said. I wasn't sure why I said that, but it felt right. He gave me a tight smile, moving passed me to the trash can.

I sensed tension between Edward and Bella as he left with her to drive her home. I watched them leave with worried eyes, before looking to Carlisle again. He had the same concern in his eyes, but there was also something else there. Defeat? I wasn't sure what it was that I saw when he looked at me. Sorrow, maybe. Dread.

"I can't stay here tonight, huh?" I asked quietly, and he looked down.

"That probably wouldn't be a good idea, Leandra."

"It's okay." I said, not wanting to be a pain, "Some other time."

Carlisle drove me home, not a word from him. Though I knew he was deep in thought, I didn't press him. After tonight, I had no doubts he was worried about what I'd witnessed. I didn't want him to stress over me, so I tried to comfort him.

"I won't tell anyone." I told him quietly as he turned onto my mom's street, "Don't worry."

"Thank you, Leandra." He said in response, giving me a smile. There was a tenseness in that smile that worried me.

I went to sleep that night, dreaming of Jasper's angry eyes among my other abandonment dreams. I didn't fully understand what happened tonight, but I knew it was nothing good. It worried me enough to sit up in my bed half the night, watching to the window for reasons I didn't know. Looking around my dark room, it seemed cold again. Just when it was starting to warm up.

The next day, I avoided Andrew. Too worried to be bothered by him. My mind constantly on the events of the night before. I almost skipped school, but knew that that wasn't what Carlisle would want. The second day, Andrew caught on, finding me easily in the classroom at recess.

"How did the birthday party go?" He asked, sitting in the desk beside mine.

"Not so good." I murmured, staring down at the top of the desk.

"Why? Didn't they like what you got them?"

"That's not it." I shook my head, "I'm just worried about my family."

"Try calling them." He suggested.

"He usually calls me." I reasoned, shaking my head, "He'll probably call tonight." I could always hope.

I waited all night, the phone by my head. I went to school the next day as well, checking the messages as soon as I got home. Before I'd even set my bag down, I called Carlisle. Asking in a quiet voice what had him so busy.

"We're leaving, Leandra. We're leaving town, and most likely will never return." I never expected to hear those words. I couldn't breathe for a second, dropping my bag to the floor, and sitting numbly in the chair behind me.

"B-But.. Why?" I asked quietly, breathless.

"I need to ask you to behave yourself." He said, dodging my question, "Give your mother a chance. You belong there with her. Be good for her, okay? Please?"

"C-Carlisle? No. No, wait. You can't leave." I never expected him to leave me. Especially without saying goodbye, "I still need you."

"No, you don't." He told me firmly, "You've grown up so much, Leandra. Please don't misunderstand. I'm so proud of you." I went to speak but his voice interrupted, "No. I'm so proud of you, Leandra. You're ready to start moving on now." I looked over as my mom returned home from work, closing the door behind her and tossing her keys on the table beside the door.

"Carlisle, please." I whimpered, "Don't go."

"Be good for your mother, Leandra." He repeated, and I heard the click as he hung up. I sat there, numb for a moment before it hit me. I hung up the phone, tears already falling.

"What's wrong?" My mother asked, concern in her voice. Without answering, I jogged out of the room. Down the hall and into my room.

**A/N: Oh no! I apologize for this taking so long. I've been pretty sick all day long, so chapter five might take a bit of time coming out. If there are any mistakes in this chapter, I'm sorry. I haven't had the best of concentration.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

I thought about what he told me.

He wouldn't. He couldn't just leave town, and never come back. Maybe I'd heard him wrong. Maybe I'd misunderstood. I just knew if I were to make it to their house tonight, it'd be just as bright, and warm as I ever remembered it. They'd still be there, surprised at my misunderstanding.

I cried until midnight, when I slipped out of my window again. I ran through town once more, much like I had that night, but when I got to their house, I was crushed to find it dark. Completely dark. Not a hint of anyone, or even anything inside.

I panted, jogging up the porch steps and looking through the dark window. There was no furniture. Just an empty house. Not completely empty, however. It held my memories. All the best memories I had.

They couldn't be gone. They just couldn't. They wouldn't just drop me and leave. The last month I'd been at my mom's, they'd always been there. They'd always helped me in one way or another. They wouldn't just leave. They couldn't. Surely I meant more to them than that.

They'd come home eventually. Of that, I was sure. When they did, I'd hug them so tight. As tight as I could, and beg them never to play a joke like this again.

That was the first night I slept on the porch.

When I woke in the morning, and looked around myself, seeing that they hadn't come home, I cried. I couldn't believe it. They wouldn't just leave. I kept telling myself that, but the empty living room through the window told me otherwise. I refused to believe it, even as the evidence lay right in front of me.

I made excuses, I denied the truth. I stood and tried the doorknob. It was locked, of course. They were just out hunting, I told myself, and changing out furniture at the same time. I'd sit here at night until they came home. I'd lay here at night until they came home. I didn't care how long it took. I wasn't losing my family like I'd lost my dad. I wasn't losing my source of support. Not without a fight.

I'd keep their porch warm for them until they came back.

I returned home that afternoon to get something to eat, and prepared to leave again that night. I slipped out my window sometime passed midnight once more, huddled in my coat. It was colder that night, and I doubted I would get much sleep. Even as I walked through town, I shivered. My nose burned in the cold, as did my ears.

I made it there, settling further on the porch this time, close by the door. That way, I was under the overhang. I'd be protected in case it started to rain. The house still protected me. It still comforted me, even if I couldn't find a way inside.

Two weeks of this routine went by. I never gave up on it. I never skipped a night.

I went to school maybe two days a week, the rest of the time I spent sleeping. Staying up most of the night before falling asleep around 2am. Only to wake around six, and heading back home. I'd see Andrew when I'd go to school. He seemed really worried about me, witnessing for himself how far downhill I was sliding. I never admitted to him my nightly routine, knowing he'd think I was crazy.

The house phone got lots of calls from the school, but I always erased them before mom got home. Mom never noticed me gone at night. At least, if she did, she never asked about it. Letting me do my own thing. She probably thought it was good for the grieving process, instead of the possibility of me going insane.

Even if she had tried to stop me, I wouldn't have responded well to that.

October came, and I grew more into myself. More reserved, kept more to myself. Hardly speaking at all to anyone but Andrew. He seemed to get me more than my mom did. I had yet to go over to his house, but he didn't pressure me on that. He just stayed the same, caring kid who would listen when I needed him to.

Mid October came, exactly one month after they'd left. I returned home that evening to find that mom had brought home a guy. Immediately, I distrusted him. My mom's taste in men was questionable at the very best. My taste in people was usually spot on. I was hardly ever wrong, so I knew from the very start this asshole couldn't be trusted.

"Leandra," She smiled as I slowly let my bag down off my shoulder, eying the man with trepidation, "This is Keith." He stood from the couch, and the first thing that went through my mind was, 'Jack.'

Same build, same height. About 6'4, cleanly shaven. Respectable looking guy. His eyes weren't the same shade of blue. Keith's was more of a grayish color. Without even speaking to him, I left the room. That was her thing. I wouldn't be a part of it.

He seemed perfectly nice. He really did. All night, I'd hear mom laughing. More of in the school-girl crush kind of way. I just hoped she knew what she was getting herself into.

_'Go for it.'_ I thought as I made my way out my window.

However, the longer he was there, slowly but steadily moving his things into the house, I knew mom was taking things way too fast. Every time I'd see him, even on days I skipped school, he always had a kind word, or smile to offer me.

My distrust quickly turned to hatred, but I kept my mouth shut.

Something about him didn't sit right with me. He was home every time I came home, usually without mom home. He left me alone every time, but the way he watched me creeped me out.

Until one day, about a week and a half after I first met him, he called me into my mom's room. I ignored him at first, but then worried he'd come to me, so eventually, I stood up.

"What?" I asked, poking my head into the door. He patted the bed beside him, and I waited. He was joking, right? I almost laughed, "What do you want?"

"I've noticed that you and I have yet to have a good chat." He said, smiling and standing.

I retreated as he made his way toward the door, stepping passed me, heading into the kitchen, "And?" I asked quietly, unsure.

"So I'd like to get to know you." He smiled at me, pulling some ice cream from the freezer.

"Why?" I stepped into the kitchen, but just barely. He gestured that I sit at the small table, so slowly, I did. I kept my eyes on him as he scooped some of the ice cream into a bowl.

"Want some?" He asked, looking back at me.

"No thanks." I admitted, shaking my head. He just shrugged, shaking his head. He was quiet as he put the ice cream away, taking the bowl to the table.

"So anyway." He continued, "I really like your mom."

"I can tell."

"She's been telling me how you and I need to start getting along better, if the relationship is going to go anywhere." I was surprised, to say the least, when he told me that, "So here's how it's going to go." Immediate hatred again at his tone. A control freak, "You're going to tell your mom that we had a wonderful talk. Oh, you love me. Can't wait for me to marry her." I snorted.

"Right. Next option."

"It's either that, or you get shipped off to some school in Tahiti. Your choice."

"Good luck getting me to go, asshole." I growled, watching as he sat across from me.

"Oh." He chuckled, "You're one of these kids. I get it now."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded quietly.

"I guess you've been taught not to be pushed around." He clarified. I didn't bother responding to that, so he continued, "I know you leave the house at night, Leandra. You're never in your room. I could conveniently notice your absence, and panic. I wouldn't mind calling the cops on your ass. Effectively ending your nighttime traipses through the town. Wherever it is you go."

"Go to hell." I growled, standing, "I'm not afraid of you."

"One thing you need to realize," He said before I left the kitchen, "Is your mom is very happy with me. I think you've noticed. A little bit of extra income here and there secures your position in the home. And of course, I'm such a good guy, it ups her reputation with your social worker. Not even a speeding ticket." His tone had darkened, and I glared forward, listening him stand from the table, "You're going to tell her you like me. Trust me." I flinched forward, away from his hand as he cleared my hair from my neck. I spun, glaring up at him.

"You're not the first asshole I've encountered." I shot back, "I've survived worse than the likes of you."

"Yes." He said, "I know. Jack was stupid. Arrogant. Nothing around here," He gestured around the house, "Is going to change. Nothing, except your attitude."

"Good luck with that one." I countered, "Really." He studied me close for a second, a smile coming to his face.

"You'll do it." He finally nodded, "Trust me. You'll do it." He repeated. I couldn't say anything, recognizing his tone.

"You can just go fuck yourself." I growled. I left the room, listening to his chuckle from the kitchen.

"Do it, Leandra." I heard him call, "And there won't be any problems."

I still cried every night over Carlisle. Needing him more than I thought he could ever know. He thought I was ready to face things on my own? He was either lying to me, or to himself. I couldn't tell. I needed his advice, his comforting words. I needed him to tell me that everything would be okay, and that he was there for me.

After finding out about Keith, his smiles and glances grew a whole new meaning. Despite how much I hated him, though, I couldn't let my mom down like that. He wasn't wrong when he said that she was happy. He hadn't gotten her to drink again, so that was at least a plus. She'd gush over him whenever she'd mention him. I couldn't bring myself to squash that, no matter how shitty her boyfriend was.

She'd ask how I liked him, of course, and I'd always tell her I wasn't sure.

October passed. November started.

I still disappeared every night, even as the nights grew colder. I didn't care, though. The house was cold, dark every time. No sign that anyone had been home. I'd sit up, awake until I finally fell asleep huddled against the front door.

It was the explanation of my "unexplained" colds. I was making myself sick, both metaphorically and literally. Watching, waiting for their return.

My determination faded the longer my nightly routine carried on. They'd never been gone this long before. I slowly grew closer and closer to facing the truth. I sat up one night, shivering in my coat, and it finally hit me. They weren't coming back.

I would stay, though. I wouldn't give up on them. I needed them too much. I needed them, and I needed hope. Just a shred of hope to keep me from finding the entirety of my life to mean nothing.

Keith grew nearly intolerable. His pressure increased, and I made the mistake of threatening to tell mom about him. The next night, I disappeared, and I was found by the cops at 5:30am. Taken to the police station to wait for my mom to come and pick me up.

Luckily, it hadn't been Charlie to see me. He would know exactly why it was I was found where I was. He'd know I'd lost my mind.

Unfortunately, Keith that had come along to pick me up. His smile was smug, and I wanted to hit him.

"Leandra. Thank goodness you're okay." Mom sighed, pulling me to her. I glared toward Keith, and he just smiled back at me.

The second month, to the day, they were gone, bars had been installed over my bedroom windows. I watched, sitting on my bed, as Keith put them up himself. Effectively blocking that escape route.

I wouldn't let him bully me. It was difficult to keep that promise to myself, however, because I was so small compared to him. I may have been ten years old, but I was still small compared to where I should have been for my age. I should have already been into the four foot range. I was hardly 3'7. He was 6'4. Way too much bigger than me for me to really do much of anything.

The very next day, while mom was working, I confronted him.

"You might try to keep me home," I growled, "But I can always find a way out."

"Oh, I'm not done." He assured me, "A security system is going in next week. Open the door then. Or a window. I dare you."

"Happy or not, my mom deserves to know how fucking nuts you are." I tried to spin, trying to leave the room. His hand closed easily around my upper arm, yanking me back to my place. I grunted with the force of it, and looked up at him.

"If you screw this up for me," He threatened quietly, "I swear, you will wish you were never born."

"Every time I look at you," I countered, "I already do." The resulting slap seemed to echo in the living room. I squeezed my eyes shut at the involuntary tears that sprung to my eyes, my cheek stinging painfully.

"Try again." He told me quietly. When I could open my eyes without tears escaping, I glared up at him. Quiet now, "What? No come back?" Stupidly, I balled my fist and slammed it as hard as I could into his stomach. I knew it wasn't as hard as he could take, but it was effective enough to get me released. He laughed a bit breathlessly as I scrambled from the room.

"Good one." He called after me, and I slammed my bedroom door closed, turning the lock on the knob. My breathing raced as I leaned back against the door. Closing my eyes in my desperation, "It's my turn next."

I collapsed into a crying ball against the door, drawing my knees up to my chest. My thoughts immediately on Carlisle, and how badly I needed him here. How badly I needed him to come back, and see what I was living with again.

Why couldn't he have just stayed? Did his leaving have anything to do with Jasper's behavior on Bella's birthday? Was that the reason they just left me here? Suddenly, the reason didn't concern me anymore. What concerned me was that they left. When I still needed them so much.

"Aww." I flinched away from the door at Keith's voice on the other side of it, "Did I hurt your feelings? Open the door, Leandra."

"Go to hell." I replied, my voice thick with emotion as I made my way to my bed.

"Open the door." He commanded again, and I heard the patience leaving his tone.

"You're crazy."

"Last warning." He growled, "Open the fucking door."

"Fuck you." Without warning, the door seemed to explode off of its hinges. I flinched, giving a yelp as the pieces of wood hit the floor.

"There." He said, "Problem solved." I watched him stride in, before managing to duck around him and run from the room.

"Mom is gonna be pissed!" I called behind me as I ran.

"I had to." He reasoned, following leisurely, "You were threatening to kill yourself."

"She'll never believe that." I said, spinning once I reached the living room. Glaring his way. He leaned against the wall across from me, raising his eyebrow.

"Are you _sure_ about that, Leandra? You're troubled. It seems perfectly rational to me." He replied quietly. My heart pounded in my fear, "Should we pretend you succeeded?" I realized what he was saying. I spun, heading for the front door. Before I could open it fully, his hand slammed against it, shutting it again. He was faster than I thought. He stood right behind me now, and I trembled in my fear.

He didn't say a word, keeping his hand pressed firmly against the door. I didn't say a word either, my hand still on the knob. The silent threat this man posed was something I sensed immediately. I recognized it. I felt it in my toes, trembling on the spot.

Without a word, he dropped his hand. I pulled the door open and ran out of the house as fast as I could. Up the street, leaving the house behind.

It was Sunday, I realized. I had somewhere to go.

I rounded the block, heading up the next street over. Looking on both sides of the street, I kept an eye out for someone familiar. I spotted the gold car in the driveway of a cute little two-story house instead, and I made my way over to it.

I wasn't brave enough to go to the door, so I sat on the curb. It took maybe half an hour before I heard the door behind me open, and I looked back, spotting Andrew coming outside and making his way over to me.

"Hey." He greeted with a smile, "What brings you over?"

"I just.." I stood, "I could use some company."

"Oh, well come inside then. You don't have to sit out here by yourself." He reached down, taking my hand. He led me toward the house, "What happened to your cheek?"

"Huh?"

"It's all red." He said. Well, at least it wasn't bruised.

"I was laying on it for awhile." I replied, "It'll go away soon." He led me inside, not replying to what I said. I doubted he believed me. I remembered what I realized about him that day. I'd forgotten it with everything else that had gone on that day, but I remembered now as he led me through the front door, closing the screen door behind us. I jumped as suddenly two tiny, but loud barks came from nowhere. I pressed back against the door, watching as two chihuahuas bounded into the room.

"Guys, shush." Andrew scolded, reaching down and lifting them. One of the chihuahuas was brown colored, with lighter brown around its paws and a bit on its cheeks. It had long hair, light brown eyes and a brownish pink nose. It was cute, but looked mean. The second chihuahua was black with brown around its paws. It had shorter hair, but thankfully wasn't near as ugly as one of those hairless things.

"Are they going to bite me?" I asked, holding my hand up out of their reach. Both of them sniffed toward my hand, and the black one wagged its tail.

"No." Andrew laughed, "This is Pudget." He lifted the brown one higher, "We call her Pudgie. She's heavier than Sweety." He lifted the black one.

"They're cute." I mumbled, holding my hand closer to them. Sweety gave my fingers a tentative lick. Pudget only sniffed.

He let them back down onto the floor, and they didn't bark again.

"Andrew." I jumped at a man's call further in the house, "Have you finished the dishes, son?" I looked wide-eyed to Andrew, and he smiled comfortingly at me. He took my hand again, and led me toward where he'd been addressed from. We rounded a corner into the living room, and a man looked up from the magazine he sat reading. I was nervous, instantly distrusting. My history with men hadn't been the best, and this man seemed to sense that.

"Oh." He said, "Who is this?"

"Dad, this is Leandra. A friend from school." Andrew replied, "Leandra, this is my dad."

"Nice to meet you." I responded quietly, keeping my distance, watching as he stood. His dark brown hair matched Andrew's, as did his brown eyes. He was kind of short, maybe 5'8, but still built. I eyed him with hesitation, and he smiled my way. It wasn't at all like Keith's smile. It was more of an attempt to ease my nervousness.

"I didn't know you were having a friend over." His dad chuckled, keeping his eyes on me, "Tell you what. I'll finish the dishes for you."

"Thanks, dad." Andrew smiled. With that, he turned, taking my hand again and leading me up the stairs.

"How long do you have here?" Andrew asked, pulling me into what looked like his bedroom.

I looked down, "As long as I want." I admitted, "I'm not going back there any time soon."

"Why?" He asked, suddenly concerned, "What happened?"

"Nothing." I said, sitting on his bed.

"I've noticed you haven't been going to school." He said, sitting beside me, "I don't mean to pry, but.. What's wrong? Really, Leandra. I'm worried."

I sighed, unsure if I should even bother telling him. I glanced over at him, seeing nothing but genuine concern in his eyes. He was honestly worried about me.

"Alright." I sighed again, standing, "You know the Cullens left town."

"I know." He replied, watching me as I paced, "And it hit you hard."

"It did." I admitted, "They were.. Really the only family I've ever known. They'd done so much for me, taking me in when they really didn't have to. They were always there when I needed them. I counted on them to always be there, and now that they're not.." I trailed off, shutting up before I could make myself cry. I swallowed a few times, "Anyway.. Something.. Happened at the birthday party, and somehow I think that was what made them leave. I was with my mom, so they didn't think to bring me along." I paused, studying an aquarium on a shelf.

I took a deep breath before continuing, "It's been two months, to the day they left, and I haven't heard anything from them. Not a phone call, not a letter or even a damn postcard."

"You're hurt because they forgot about you." Andrew murmured in understanding.

"A little." I murmured, "I miss them more each day. I never knew what that saying meant before, but now I do. Every day, it hurts even more. I miss them more than I've ever missed anyone or anything in my life. I need them so much, and I have no way to tell them that." I cursed myself quietly when I realized I had tears streaming down my face. Andrew stood and made his way to me, pulling me into a hug.

"You have me." He offered, hoping it would calm me down.

"You can't protect me like they can." I reasoned, a sob leaving me, "It sucks being so alone. I loved them more than anything in my life. Now they're gone, never coming back."

"What do you need protecting from?" He asked quietly. I was quiet, unsure how to answer. When I didn't respond, he shook his head, "You don't have to answer that."

"Thank you." I replied, "I just.." I pulled away, looking down, "I need them, but I have no way to find them. It h-hurts that I can't just run to them."

"It's Carlisle you miss most, isn't it?" He asked, "I remember you saying how close you were to him."

I nodded, closing my eyes briefly, "I can't believe he'd just leave me like that. I couldn't even say goodbye." I paused, looking up and meeting his eyes, "They were all I had."

He pulled me into another, tighter hug. To my surprise, actually comforting me. I cried for a few more minutes, both of us just standing there in the middle of his room. It felt nice being able to cry about my family, and have somebody listen, offering a hug when I desperately needed one.

"Is that the only thing wrong, Leandra?" He asked, pulling back.

"No." I said, sniffling. I took a deep breath, "For the passed two months, I've been.." I cut off, unable to admit how crazy I was.

"You've been..?" He prompted gently.

"I've been.. Sort of.. Spending the night on their front porch." I looked down, waiting for his judgmental laugh.

"Leandra," He said after a moment, "That's not safe."

"You don't think I'm crazy?" I asked, surprised as I looked up at him.

"No. I think you're just looking for the comfort you always found in the house." That surprised me, and it showed in my eyes, "I can read people pretty well. You're not crazy, Leandra. I'm just worried about you heading through town at night."

"I've never run into any problems." I assured, "But that's not the problem. My mom's boyfriend, Keith, put bars on my window. So I can't get out at night. I can't go through the front door, because I'd have to walk right passed their bedroom door."

"So he's keeping you there?" He asked, "Leandra, he's probably just trying to keep you safe."

"No." I said immediately, "That's not his intent at all."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." I said, "He wants to keep me there. Just to be an asshole. All he knows is I leave at night, and that I prefer that place over the house. Any day."

"So you think he's stopping you from leaving, just to keep you from being happy?" Andrew asked, frowning, "Why would he do that? What reason could he possibly have?"

I didn't know how to answer. I looked down.

"And another question." He said, "Does going there really make you feel better? Or does it hurt you more? Because if I was in your shoes, I know going there only to find nobody there would hurt me a lot."

"Whose side are you on?" I demanded, narrowing my eyes.

"All I'm saying," He said, defending himself, "Is your mom's boyfriend is probably just looking out for you. That's all."

"Good." I growled, "Then maybe you can be the replacement kid. You can stay there, and I'll keep my freedom, thank you very much. You can live with him." I turned, ready to stride from the room.

"Leandra." He called after me, "Wait." He managed to catch my arm in the hallway, "I didn't mean to make you mad. I'm sorry."

"You don't know what this guy is like." I stressed. He studied me for a moment as if trying to figure me out. Suddenly, he seemed to piece everything together.

"Him. Keith is the one you need protecting from." He murmured, and I realized my mistake, "Leandra, tell my dad. He works for the police department."

Shit.

I turned again, heading down the stairs.

"This was a bad idea." I called back to him as soon as we made our way outside.

"Leandra, don't go." He called in return.

"I'm not starting that stupid process all over again!" I finally shouted back at him, turning on the sidewalk and facing him, "And don't tell him yourself, because I swear-"

"I wouldn't do that." He said, shaking his head, "But Leandra, if he hits you or anything-"

"Stay out of it." I warned, "Please. I'm fine right where I am. I'm not going to another foster home."

"Okay." He said, raising his hands as if in defeat, "Okay. I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to. Just.. Don't go." I continued to hesitate, "Please." I sighed, looking around myself.

"I have to." I said, calmer now, "I should get home anyway. I'll come back, though." He sighed as well, nodding and looking down.

"Okay." He said, "So I'll see you soon, then?"

"Yeah." I nodded, "Don't worry." I wanted to tell him that I've survived someone like Keith before. I wanted to tell him that I knew when to get the hell out, but I figured he didn't need to hear that.

"Leandra?" He called as I went to turn, "If you need someplace to go at night, where you won't be cold but don't want to go home, come here. Okay? My dad won't mind."

"Are you sure?" I asked, surprised.

"Positive." I smiled a little, unable to help it. His generosity never failed to surprise me. I'd never met anyone like him my age before.

"I might just take you up on that offer sometime." I replied, "Thank you."

He returned my smile. It wasn't expecting. It wasn't demanding. It was just a kind, friendly smile.

I made my way through town again, wandering aimlessly. I thought about going home, but would panic every time. It took quite some time for my breathing to normalize, but once it did, I cried. I hated being helpless. So afraid of even going home.

My feet had carried me back to the Cullen's house. Without even a jacket, I wondered how I was supposed to stay warm that night. Knowing Keith would probably call the cops again, I knew I couldn't stay here, but I had to see it again.

Slowly stepping up onto the porch, I sat back where I always sat. Calming down as the day slowly came to an end. I couldn't make myself move. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't. This was my home. They'd have to come and drag me away from it again. I'd always come back, though. Always.

Even if they weren't there, even if I couldn't even get inside, this would always be my home. For as long as it stood, I knew they were real. They'd helped me more than anyone had ever helped me. What they meant to me couldn't be explained in words.

It grew colder the further night closed over me. I thought about Andrew's offer as I huddled into myself, listening to the night animals begin their nightly routine. Though I wanted to take him up on it, as I shivered roughly in the cold, I didn't want to leave. Leaving during the night, potentially missing their homecoming hurt even to think about. Despite realizing the truth, I still held hope. I refused to fully believe that they would never come back. I needed the hope too much.

I barely slept that night, too cold to even uncurl a fraction of an inch. I shivered constantly, whimpering when a particularly rough shiver would roll through me. I gave up on sleep as dawn slowly approached. Staring toward the drive, hoping just to see a hint of them.

I was cold and hungry, which was the only reason I stood sometime after the sun had risen. I knew mom probably noticed my absence, but was curious as to why the cops hadn't shown up here yet. I made my way back to her house, intending to gather some things. I knew she'd be at work, so I was careful about heading inside.

As soon as I stepped inside, I was pushed against the wall beside the door.

"What are you doing back here?" Keith's voice had me look up at him.

"I just need some things." I said, "Then I'll leave again."

"Make it quick, and get the fuck out." He said, letting me slip passed him, "I don't care where you go, but you can't stay here." I gave him a look as I made my way down the hall. I carefully gathered everything I thought I'd need. Sleeping bag, a pillow. Flash lights, reading material, and extra batteries. I pulled a sock full of money from my bottom drawer, knowing I'd need it. Extra clothing, and a coat. A grocery bag full of food I could eat over the next few days.

"I'll come back for more when I run out." I informed him as he kept careful watch on me, "I'll make sure to come back when she isn't here. Don't worry yourself over that." I made my way toward the door.

"Good. Now go." He barked, and I spun.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I shouted up at him. He was in a worse mood than usual, and I wanted to know why.

"I don't like you. I think you've noticed." He said, "I don't care where you go, and I don't care where you've been going. Just get out."

"Now you wait just a second-"

"This is my house now." His voice was dripping with a threat, and it threw me off guard for a moment, "And I don't like you. So I'm throwing you out. Don't come back."

"I'll be back here as often as I fucking please." I narrowed my eyes at him, "This is my mom's house. Not yours."

"Your mom is mine as well." He chuckled, "Or haven't you figured that out yet?"

"Why am I such a threat to you?" I demanded, "Or can you not handle a ten-year-old?"

"I can do more than handle you if I chose to, honey." He dodged my question. That was fine by me. Every instinct in my body was telling me to leave this nutcase alone. He was more dangerous than Jack, and I understood that just by meeting his eyes.

"You're crazy." I spat, continuing on toward the door, "Completely fucking nuts." Before I reached it, however, I was shoved against the wall again. Facing the wall this time, he came up behind me, and pinned me there firmly. His hand on the back of my neck, squeezing tightly. I winced as my neck exploded in pain, my hand reaching back, trying to pry his digging fingers loose.

"You don't even know, darling." He muttered down at me. My eyes opened, and I looked back as him as much as I could. He chuckled, squeezing even tighter. I gave a quiet whimper at the increased pain, hoping to anyone that would listen that I didn't cry.

"Don't come back." He let me loose, shoving away from me, and I quickly scooted out the door.

I carried my bag with me back through town, following the highway. I shivered the entire way, hating Keith for all that I was. I'd left the house every night willingly before. Now that I was chased from it, it bothered me. I couldn't go back now if I wanted to. Not with someone like that there.

I visited my mom sometimes during her work hours. Mainly while I washed my clothes at the laundromat. I couldn't visit her at her other job, as she was also a bartender. She'd ask me how things were going at home, and I always told her good. Never going into detail.

I also visited with Andrew. He never asked about home, which I was grateful for. I'd gotten to know his house pretty well over the next week and a half. His house became a close second home to me. I'd shower there sometimes when he said it was okay, or when I was comfortable asking.

November passed this way.

**A/N: This one came out a little long. Consider it a gift. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :) Chapter six is already in the works. It's kept my mind busy, thankfully.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

December started with a cold, rainy week.

I spent majority of my time on the porch now, watching the rain pour down. I honestly didn't know what else to do. I wouldn't go back home, only to be terrorized by mom's boyfriend. I didn't want to keep bothering Andrew and his dad. I didn't want to overstay my welcome. They'd both been so nice to me, and I felt the more often I was around them without telling them the truth, I was hurting them both. Dragging them into this mess I called my life.

It seemed as if nothing in my life made sense without the Cullens. Nothing was right. Nothing was okay. Everything had just fallen apart right in front of me, and I couldn't pick up the pieces without them shattering further.

I needed them like I needed to breathe. They'd always been there when I needed them the most. I needed Carlisle, and I needed Esme. I needed all of them.

They would come back. They had to. They'd forgotten the one thing that was most important. They'd taken the furniture, everything in the house, but they'd forgotten the most important thing in their lives. Me.

Keith had been a part of this I hadn't anticipated.

I didn't trust mom with him, and I had a feeling he just wanted someone to control. Well, if he was willing to chase me from the house to achieve that, he'd be willing to do just about anything.

One afternoon, I couldn't stand it anymore. December 10th, I decided to brave the rain, and head back into town. I needed to go back anyway. My food supply was getting low, but I wouldn't be going back home like I'd told Keith I was. I'd just buy some bread or something from the general store. Afterwards, though, to avoid at least some of the rain getting to it.

I stepped into the laundromat, jumping out of the rain falling off of the roof in rivers. I hadn't anticipated the floor being slippery, and my foot slid on the puddle of water. I landed on my knee, wincing harshly in pain.

"Oh, Leandra." My mom's voice had me look up. She rounded the counter, coming over to help me up, "Are you okay?"

"You should probably mop this up." I said, laughing a little, "Avoid a lawsuit." She sighed as I wiped my hands off on my jeans.

"I'm glad you came by." She said, and I looked up, worried at her tone, "We need to talk." I let her lead me over to a row of chairs between the washers, and she sat with me.

"I'm going to start off by saying I'm not nearly as unobservant as I used to be." She reached up, tucking a strand of wet hair behind my ear, "Honey, I know you haven't been home in over two weeks." I looked down, "Now, I don't know where you've been going, and I don't know why you haven't come home, but.." She paused, "Leandra, if you had gotten yourself into some kind of.. Trouble, you'd tell me, right?"

"Mom, I'm not in any kind of trouble." I sighed, shaking my head.

"Leandra, you're facing expulsion from school, due to your lack of attendance. I haven't seen you around the house in so long. I don't see you unless you come by here. I'm worried, sweetheart."

"Mom.." I mumbled, keeping my eyes down.

"I'm worried whether or not you're eating okay. It looks like you've lost weight."

"Mom." I said again, looking up at her.

"Are you eating okay? Because.. Leandra, you can't keep this up. You've got to get your act together."

"Mom." I said firmer, and she shut up, meeting my eyes, "You need to get rid of Keith."

That seemed to throw her off. She hesitated for a moment before speaking again, "Why?"

"He's not who he says he is." I said, hoping she believed me, "Trust me."

"Leandra, is he the reason you haven't been home? Because you're jealous?" My eyes flashed up, completely taken off guard.

"What?"

"Honey, you have absolutely nothing to be jealous of." She said, "I know I'm not home a lot of the time, and I know it seems like I spend so much time with him-"

"That is _so_ not it." I snapped, instantly upset, "Mom, I'm trying to warn you. I'm not jealous of anything." She seemed confused, "He's.." I didn't know how to explain it, "He's not who he pretends to be. He's not some good guy, mom. He's bad news."

"He hasn't given me one reason to distrust him." She reasoned, "Keith supports me, honey. He's very supportive, sweet, caring. He's even told me he's willing to try again to get through to you. He told me about the little argument you two got into. Leandra, I have to ask you to try and make this work. He means so much to me."

"Stop." I shook my head, standing, "Mom, please. Just.. Listen to me. He's worse than Jack. I know that for a fact."

"Leandra, just stop this." She shook her head, "I won't ask where you've been, but.. You need to come home. You need to start going to school again, and you need to get serious about this. Snap out of this depression, or whatever it is you're in. I think I've been plenty lenient on this."

I laughed humorlessly, "You've been lenient, have you? You don't get it."

"I know you were close to the Cullens, and I've given you time to grieve. I thought you'd come out of this. I really thought you would, but this running away has got to stop. I mean it." Her voice was firm. She was actually commanding me, "Come home. There is nothing wrong with Keith. He's perfectly harmless."

"You don't even know him!" I found myself shouting.

"I know him a lot better than you do, Leandra." She said, standing as well, "All he's been trying to do is be a father figure to you. Show you some discipline, which I think you really could use."

"You've got to be kidding me." I snapped incredulously.

"Do I look like I'm joking?" She asked firmly, "Now, I mean it. Stop leaving the house at night. You're going to stay home, and you're going to go to school. No more of this. Do I make myself clear?"

"God, even when you're sober, you don't listen!" I snarled at her, heading for the door again.

"You better be going straight home." She called after me. Far from it.

The whole way back to the Cullen's empty house, I was fuming. How could she turn her back on me? How could she take his side over mine? I didn't understand it. She thought I was making the whole thing up. Why the hell would I do that?

She thought I was jealous. Jealous of what? Of him getting most of her attention? I didn't care about that. I really didn't, because it wasn't her I wanted. I wasn't ashamed to admit that in times like now, I honestly did love the Cullens more than I loved her. She was just someone I lived with. Or used to live with. They'd have to come and drag me back to that place. I wasn't going back. Not willingly.

I stormed up the porch steps, waiting to sit down until I'd dried off some. I didn't want to get my sleeping bag wet. I needed that to keep me warm at night, especially with it getting colder.

When I finally was dry enough to sit, I sat roughly on my sleeping bag, realizing just how badly her refusal to believe me hurt. I knew what I experienced. I knew what I saw in his eyes, and I knew what I heard in his voice. I knew what he said to me. She had no right whatsoever to call me a liar. Telling me I was making things up just to get him out of her life. Over what? Jealousy? It didn't make any sense to me how she could even say that.

The afternoon slowly drew to evening. Evening to night, and the rain slowly stopped. I eventually crawled into my sleeping bag, seeking some sort of warmth. Tonight seemed colder than I was used to, and I curled tighter into the fabric. My nose still burned in the cold, as did my fingers and toes.

A sniffle and a cough left me, and I hoped I wasn't getting sick again. I laid there for hours, trying to get some sort of sleep through my shivers.

The night was silent around me, and that seemed odd to me. I remember noticing just how still and silent everything was. Normally there was at least some kind of sound out in the trees surrounding the house. Now, there was nothing. Not the call of an owl, or even a bat. No crickets. Nothing but pure silence. The kind where I could hear only a ringing in my ears, aside from an occasional rustle of the leaves in the trees due to a chilly breeze.

For the first time in all the nights I spent there, I got the feeling I was being watched. I felt eyes on me, and for the first time in all the nights I spent there, I felt vulnerable. Open. Exposed.

Poking my head out of the sleeping bag, I looked around myself. I could hardly see two feet in front of me, the dimly lit yard stretching seemingly forever to the trees. I saw nothing in the darkness, but this feeling scared me into fruitlessly trying.

I'd never really been one to be afraid of the dark, but tonight was an exception. This went beyond some simple nervousness. Tonight, I was truly afraid. A sense of fearful anticipation choked me, making it harder to breathe. Like at any second, my life would end. I'd never felt this way before, so it shook me deeply.

Even the comfort of laying on the porch wasn't enough to combat this vulnerable feeling.

I sat up slowly, trembling harder now, curling tighter into a quietly whimpering ball inside the sleeping bag. Counting my trembling breaths until morning. I listened for any normal sound. Any normal nighttime sound, but never heard any. Just the sound of my elevated heart rate, and my nearly panicked breathing.

All night this went on, my eyes searching for anything out of place. When it finally began to brighten around me, the animal sounds had finally returned. Morning birds chirped in the trees, and the feeling of being watched had all but disappeared. I finally laid back down, exhausted after my long, fearful night.

I managed to nap this way. Closing my eyes, and actually falling asleep upon the porch during the day. Something I never did.

I didn't know how long I slept, but suddenly, I was awake again. I wasn't sure what woke me up. All I knew was I was dead asleep, and suddenly not. I looked around for the source of my sudden alertness, but I didn't find any. Until I heard the sound of an approaching vehicle on the drive. I quickly climbed out of my sleeping bag, my hopes suddenly sky high.

I stood up, waiting for the vehicle to make it through the trees. When it did, my hopes dropped into my toes. Not what I was expecting at all.

Instead of a vehicle belonging to my family, it was a cop car.

Before it'd even come to a full stop, I leaped off the porch, and ran as fast as I could across the lawn and into the trees. The very same trees I was so afraid of the night before. I listened to the cop call to me to stop as he followed me, and I faintly recognized Andrew's dad's voice. I wouldn't let that slow me down, though. I jumped over fallen trees, running faster than I ever had. This time, I wasn't stopping to argue. I was in this to escape. I wasn't going back home.

I tripped, hitting the rough ground and tumbling a little. Losing precious distance. My shirt and jeans had torn a bit, as well as my forearms and palms, but I pushed myself back up and kept running. I'd run as long as it took for him to give up.

My breath came in gasps, my lungs burning and I still clearly heard him behind me. I let out a quiet sob, knowing I would probably tire before he did. I was right.

Out of the blue, I was pounced on, and a struggle ensued. I was clearly reminded of the time this happened several months ago. Was it customary for cops to pounce on people to catch them?

"Easy, Leandra." Richard, Andrew's dad, muttered to me, lifting me off the ground briefly, "Easy. Calm down."

"Let me go!" I shouted back at him, panting heavily for breath. I fought as hard as I could in his grip, but he'd managed a good hold on both of my upper arms. Restraining me easily. He turned us around and walked us back the way we came.

"I'm just taking you home." He said calmly, "Your mom is worried sick about you." I didn't know how to respond to that. If I begged not to be taken back there, he'd find somewhere else for me to live. Another foster home, or custody of the state. If I let him take me back home, I'd probably never make it out of the house again. Keith, despite how much he hated me, would probably make sure I didn't leave. I had no options.

Needless to say, I wound up back home with a strict warning not to leave home again. A third strike meant being taken from my mom anyway. That news, of course, upset her. I sat, curled on the couch, as both her and Keith gave me a firm talking to.

"Mom." I said after half an hour of, 'What were you thinking's, and 'Why can't you just behave's, "I really don't need this right now." With that, I stood and left the room. My bedroom door had been replaced, so I closed it quietly behind me. I managed to lay face down on my bed before I listened to my mom exasperatedly sigh about how she was late for work, and that she didn't have time to deal with me. Keith comforted her by telling her that he'd deal with me himself, and not to worry.

My mom wasn't gone five minutes before my door opened again. I didn't look at him. I didn't care. I hugged a pillow to myself, sighing heavily.

"I'm not here by choice." I grumbled into my pillow, "Trust me. So fuck off."

"I'm tired of your attitude." I turned over at his firm voice, looking to him. Ready to argue. My heart sunk at what he held in his hands instead, silencing me with a sort of choking whimper. The thick strip of leather sat ominously looped in his hand.

"Keep that thing away from me." I tried to make my voice brave, but it shook, trembling along with the rest of me.

"I'm sorry." He said, "But it's for your own good." He took a step toward me and I was instantly up, standing. There was no way I was letting that happen again. He'd have to catch me first.

He chased me around my room for fifteen minutes. Each time I'd get close enough to the door to attempt to open it, he'd close in, chasing me from it.

Finally managing to corner me near the window. Reaching out too quickly to dodge this time, he grabbed a harsh hold of my hair, pulling me from the corner. The first slap echoed sharply off the walls, and my lower back and backside exploded in white hot pain, instantly bringing tears to my eyes. I choked on a cry, almost not hearing the house phone ring in the living room.

Keith cursed and shoved me away. Stumbling, I hit the floor, both hands covering my violently stinging backside.

"Stay there." He said as the phone rang again, "I'll be back in here to finish with you in a minute." I listened to him stride from the room, opening my tear-filled eyes as the door slammed behind him.

Instantly, I stood. Still sobbing, I threw open my window and eyed the bars closely. I would make myself fit between them if it killed me. In an act of desperation, I jumped up, kneeling on the sill. Forcing first my head through them, and twisting just right so my shoulders squeezed through them next. I grunted with the effort it took, squeezing all the air I had out of me. Hurriedly, I forced myself through the bars, probably bruising the rest of me as well, but I managed to fall nearly head first onto the ground outside with another grunt, and a whimper.

I didn't know who was on the other end of the phone, and I didn't care. All that mattered was that I loved them, whoever it was, for getting him out of the room and away from me. As soon as my feet hit the ground, I was running. Up the street and around the block, headed straight for town.

I wasn't as fast as I normally was, given the brand new bruise I had along my back. Thanking my lucky stars that it was just one. I ran across main street, managing to make the one car driving by honk in my direction. I knew exactly where I was going.

I stepped into the laundromat, nearly sliding again on the floor.

"Leandra." My mom sighed incredulously, "Honestly?" I waited for her to be finished speaking with the customer before grabbing her hand and dragging her toward the bathroom. As soon as the door was closed, I lifted the back of my shirt, showing her wordlessly the new bruise I knew I had.

Her gasp told me she saw it, plain as day. Proof, right in front of her. I understood that kids were spanked like that every day. I understood that under normal circumstances, that shouldn't be considered abuse, but when the adult puts so much force behind it, fully intending to cause physical harm to the child, actually leaving bruises and welts on them purposefully, that was going too far.

She turned me around, and I dropped my shirt as she pulled me to her. Wrapping her arms around me, she hugged me closely as I cried.

"He's gone." She told me firmly, trying to comfort me, "This will never happen again, okay? I'm so sorry, baby."

Instead of the home life getting better, however, it got worse. Now instead of happiness, my mom showed depression. Anxiety, stress. I actually felt horrible. Ruining her life the way I had by bringing attention to the fact that Keith was up to no good.

Watching her go through this, day after day of arguing with Keith, I also worried about her. Night after night, I'd hear them fighting. Over me. Any time they were both home, the arguing usually got bad enough to make me flinch at the sound of their raised voices. The heat in their words. He promised never to hit me again, and he repeatedly told her how sorry he was about it. How I'd moved at just the wrong second, and caught the harder hit. Ultimately, refusing to leave.

He wasn't going anywhere.

My mom stayed strong, however. Over and over I suggested that she call the police. Let them get him out, but she never did. Insisting she could handle this. She insisted she could handle his anger, but she hadn't fully seen it yet. She'd seen his irritation. His frustration. Not his anger. She wasn't prepared for anger of that magnitude. I even wasn't, but I knew when he was truly angry, that was a time to truly fear him.

The bars over my windows were removed, as requested by my mom. That way, she said, I could escape if I needed to. I didn't like the way she said that, but I didn't argue with her. I was brought along with her to work when I could be, but when I couldn't, she insisted I not stay home. She was protecting me now, and I understood that.

I knew he had hit my mother on more than one occasion. She tried to hide it, but I knew better. The shouting and cursing had me try and sleep with a pillow over my head. As the fighting got worse, so did my need for Carlisle. Worse than before, worse than when he first left. Worse than when I first began to face the truth I'd denied myself to, because now, it wasn't just me that was in the line of fire. It wasn't just me that needed protecting. It was my mom as well.

I was reminded of my past every time I saw the pain in my mom's eyes. The fear, the need to make a decision but unable to. I knew she was protecting me the best she could. Every time it felt as if a fight might break out, she would send me to my room. I'd go willingly, but afraid to leave the house. Despite my newly restored freedom, I was afraid to leave her alone in the house with him.

Despite everything she was going through, the two jobs working her to the bone, and coming home only to fight with Keith, she stood firm. She protected me. It was amazing to see, but frightening to witness.

December passed.

**A/N: This chapter is a bit shorter. By quite a bit, and I apologize for that. Chapter Seven should be up soon.  
On another note, I try not to ask for reviews, but I would kind of like to see some thoughts on this. If it's not too much to ask for, please type in a review below. It doesn't take long, and it honestly really does help the author out. Huge thanks to thailand 2012 for their review. My one reviewer. You're awesome!  
Thanks so much!  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

January came with even more cold and rainy weather. I was very sick for the first few weeks.

A fever near 103, and a severe head and chest cold kept me home a few times. My mom was considering staying home from work to stay with me, but I insisted she not. Losing her job would be the opposite of helpful in this situation. So it was Keith and I in the house a lot, which was something that didn't quite sit right with her. He left me alone aside from a comment here or there, probably playing it cool.

Eventually, when I could move and my fever had started to go down, I'd leave. During her working hours, I'd walk around town despite how truly sick I was. Effectively making it worse. Each breath I'd take would rattle quietly in my chest, making it very difficult to sleep. My stomach and ribs were aching horribly thanks to the coughing fits.

I knew this cold would just get progressively worse until it became pneumonia, and I'd probably die from it. I almost laughed with the humor of that thought. I would have if I could breathe properly. After everything I'd been through in my life, it'd be a cold that killed me.

Despite my mom's insistence that I be admitted into the hospital, I never let her. We didn't need that expense, or the questions that would raise. I assured her I'd get through it, even though I knew better.

Mid January rolled around, and my wandering had taught me that the world was larger than just the town of Forks and nearby Sappho. I'd found the bus station. Without having to purchase a long distance ticket, the furthest I could go was Port Angeles. I'd take it. I actually looked forward to learning my way around a new city.

I couldn't spend too much time there, though. My mom was due off work in four hours, and I had to be home by then. It took about an hour and a half to get from Forks to Port Angeles. To be safe, I'd only spend two hours here. The schedule letting me know that I'd be able to catch a ride back around that time.

I spent those hours wandering around. This place was so much bigger than Forks was, and for the first time in my life, I had to worry about actually getting lost.

During the ride home, I stared out the window, coughing quietly now and then.

I returned home to witness the very tail end of one of their fights. Right as I opened the door, she was picking herself up off the floor. I was surprised at first, wondering what brought her home early. That didn't matter after the first few seconds, and I ran forward, kneeling beside her.

"I'm sorry." I told her quietly, and she looked to me, meeting my eyes with sorrowful ones of her own. She reached out and smoothed my hair from my face, silently telling me not to worry even as I saw the brand new bruise developing on her cheek. I saw now where I got my determination from. I thought it was a product of being threatened so often growing up, but looking into my moms eyes now, I clearly saw that that wasn't the case. She was brave, every bit as brave as I was, but she needed to know that sometimes bravery by staying right where she was wasn't the way to go. That she could still be brave, and seek help at the same time. A lesson I'd already had to learn.

Keith chuckled, turning around and heading into the kitchen.

I ignored him, took mom's hand and helped her up off the floor. She tried to hide the fact that she wanted to cry, but I clearly saw it. I remembered this feeling. Feeling so small, so helpless. What I wouldn't have given for someone to help me in those times. As much as I resented her for not helping me when I needed her, I couldn't find it in myself to just leave her.

I led her into the bathroom, turning on the light and sitting up on the bathroom counter. She looked at me puzzled as I wet a washcloth and wordlessly washed the left over concealer from her face, uncovering all of her bruises. New and old. Her eyes grew sad as I reapplied it, showing her just how to cover it more effectively, without wasting too much.

"You need to get a darker shade." I murmured, "It'll match your natural tone better. Trust me." A tear or two escaped, and I wiped those gently from her cheek. I put the bottle down and sighed, reaching over and shutting the door.

"Mom, you deserve so much better than him." I murmured quietly, "Please. He's too hostile, you need to leave him. Kick him out. Do something, but he can't stay here."

"Honey, I've tried." She said, "Nothing I do is working."

"You have to keep trying." I plead, "A friend of mine lives around the block. He said that his dad wouldn't mind it if I ever needed a place to go when home wasn't safe. We can go there."

"Leandra, I won't run." She said, "I got us into this mess. I'll get at least you out of it. You're all that matters to me."

"You can't handle him all on your own." I whimpered, looking up at her, "Please. I.." I paused, "I love you too much to see you going through this. It's not right, and it's not fair." She reached forward and pulled me into a hug.

"It'll be okay." She told me, "One way or another, it'll work out."

"I can call Charlie." I suggested, pulling back and looking up at her, "He can kick him out for us. He was the one that dealt with Jack."

"No, honey." She sighed, "No. I'll do it. I just.. I need to find the right time."

"Mom, I'm asking you to do this for both of our sakes." I murmured, "I don't want to be taken away again, and I don't want you getting hurt trying to kick him out."

"Are you two still on that?" I flinched at Keith's voice on the other side of the door, "Give it up." I flinched again at his rough punch to the door, and a laugh as he walked away. I glared at the door, but knew that now wasn't the time to stand up to him.

Just as I had expected, my fever had gone back up. Instead of a comfortable 101 degrees, I was back up to 103, almost 104. I wouldn't let mom know how high it was getting. She didn't need that kind of stress right then. I hated the feeling having a fever gave me, however. It took most of my energy, leaving me feeling irritable and grumpy.

Mom had to work again that night, so instead of staying home like I knew I should have, I left again. I knew if I would have stayed home, I would have done or said something stupid. So instead of doing that, I left. Straight to Port Angeles. Just to pass the time until mom got home.

I coughed hard as I walked, hoping for just a little bit of the fluid in my lungs to come up. It never did. My nose, pinker than it should be in the cold, burned and ran roughly. Another cough left me as I paused at the crosswalk, waiting for traffic to stop so I could cross.

Both of my hands were stuffed in my jacket pockets, and I shivered as I stood there. I kept my eyes down, staring at the sidewalk in front of me, until something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. Out of instinct, I looked across the busy street.

A blonde haired man, striding down the sidewalk across the street. Seeming oblivious to the fact that I now stared his way like an idiot.

My heart leaped for a second, and my breath caught, before I told myself it wasn't him. I was too far away to really see his face, but I couldn't stop myself from reversing my steps, following him back up the sidewalk, back in the direction I'd come. Keeping my eyes on him, trying desperately for just a glimpse of his face. Now and then glancing up and down the street, waiting for the flow of traffic to slow enough for me to cross.

It was darker on that side of the street, and he seemed to stick closest to the buildings, away from the streetlights.

"Carlisle!" I called, knowing my voice wasn't as strong as it normally was. I'd gained a lot of other people's attention, but he didn't stop, or turn. Or even acknowledge that I'd spoken. It was a pretty busy street. Maybe he didn't hear me.

The man never noticed me, or let me know he was aware I was following him. He wore a dark suit, dressed sharply. Much like Carlisle always had. Seeing this man brought emotions forward I didn't want to feel. The way he walked, I recognized. The way he held his shoulders, I recognized. I called again, louder but it hurt my throat. I shoved through groups of people heading the opposite direction as me. Desperately hoping he'd just look my way, just once. Just so I would see for myself that this wasn't him.

I knew this wasn't him, but my heart wouldn't let it go. If I had given up, stopped following him for just one second, I would never rest. I'd always be thinking, 'What if..'

"Please." I called, but I knew that it wouldn't be loud enough.

Finally, the traffic in the street ebbed enough for me to dart across the street, barely managing to hop up on the sidewalk before a car honked my way. I jumped, turning to flip the driver off. When I looked forward again, the blonde haired man was gone.

"No." I panted, "No, no, no.."

I whimpered a bit, jogging up the sidewalk toward where I'd seen him last. Looking around frantically, I didn't see even a hint of him. I looked through the shops windows, up and down the alley to my right. Nothing.

Running made me cough, and sniffle. Any type of exertion had the same effect, but especially running. I couldn't help it though. This man fit Carlisle perfectly, and I couldn't help but need to find him. The longer I searched, looking around, the more I wanted to cry. To fall to pieces right in the middle of the sidewalk.

The movie theater in front of me was lined with people waiting for their show to start. Maybe he was in that group. I walked forward and searched each face for one I recognized, and even their hair color. I cursed quietly, questioning my sanity when I found no blonde men.

Someone I did recognize, though, was standing in the back of the group, looking down. I spotted Bella. This was the first time I'd seen her since the Cullens left, and boy did she look like shit. She was with two guys, both looked like friends from school.

Giving up my search, I sighed, deciding to walk over and say hi before heading back to hell and ripping my hair out in frustration.

She looked up as I neared, and I saw the pain deep in her eyes. I was still in deep pain over them leaving, but nowhere near the torture she was in. I just tortured myself by sleeping on their porch at night, and following strangers up the street until I died of pneumonia. That was normal, right?

"Hi, Bella." I said, my breath coming in puffs in the night air. My voice sounded like shit, and I mentally flinched at the sound of it.

"Leandra." She smiled a little, "What are you doing here?"

"Just walking." I shrugged, "I thought I saw someone.." I trailed off, deciding not to go there, "Mom's working late again, so I figured I'd come here. How about you?"

"Seeing a movie." She said, seeming to just remember the two guys she had beside her, "Oh, guys, this is Leandra." She gestured to me, "Leandra, this is Jacob, and Mike."

"Hi." I said, waving a little, before tucking my hands back into my pockets.

"Aren't you a little young to be out on your own?" The one she introduced as Mike asked. I remembered this kid from the biology class I'd visited the previous school year. It was clear he didn't recognize me in return. I blinked, surprised anyone noticed. He seemed to be in a bad mood, so I figured I'd return it.

"Actually, I'm thirty." I told him, glancing to Jacob when he laughed quietly, "I just look ten."

"I'm just pointing out the obvious." Mike said, raising his hands.

"He's actually right." Bella said quietly, "Shouldn't you be at home?"

I sighed, coughing a bit more, "Nah. I wander around all the time. It keeps me out of trouble."

"My dad says you've been to the station." She replied doubtfully, "Is everything okay?"

"No, not really." I laughed humorlessly, "But let's not get into that." She seemed to understand, nodding tensely and looking down, "And I don't need to stay home to be safe, you know. That's a huge misconception. I don't get why anyone would think that."

"Because you're ten." Jacob told me like it was obvious, "And you sound like you're sick."

"I'm not sick. I just need to cut back on the smoking. And you're twenty-two." I said, taking in his appearance, "Age has nothing to do with anything anymore. Take Bella for example." I gestured to her, "If she was here alone, you would be telling her the same thing. Because she's a girl. For some weird reason, society thinks girls should always be someplace safe. Most people think places like home, or work are safe places, which isn't always the case. Hell, I've heard of people getting run over by a car while standing in their yards."

"Whoa," Jacob chuckled, "Listen to you."

"I'm just pointing out the obvious." I repeated Mike's words.

"I like your friend, Bella." Jacob said, turning to her, "Where'd you meet her?" I watched, surprised, as her eyes grew even more tortured. If possible. She swallowed a few times and carefully controlled her breathing. Seeming as if she literally couldn't form the words. I saw her pain, and I knew what she was going through.

"The Cullens fostered me." I answered for her, cutting off in another cough. I cursed internally, knowing my cough didn't sound too good. I was making my cold worse. If it could even be considered just a cold anymore.

"Ah." Jacob nodded once, "So they abandoned you too?" His voice held distaste. That stung. Jabbed painfully into my heart. I looked to him, my pain reflected in my eyes for a brief moment.

"I wouldn't put it like that.." I shrugged, looking down.

"I would." Jacob said bitterly.

"That's not how it happened, okay?" I was getting defensive. Something that usually happened when I was wounded. I usually lashed out at people when I wanted to cry. Putting on an angry front to better protect myself.

"Why do you two keep defending them?"

"Because you don't know them like I do." I growled, "Or like Bella does."

"Obviously, you don't either." He shot back at me. I narrowed my eyes.

"Why are you pushing this?" I snapped, stepping forward, not afraid to start swinging, "Because I promise you, you keep it up, I'm not liable for whatever teeth you lose." I didn't care if he was twice my size. I would defend my family. They meant everything to me. _Everything_.

"Guys," Bella said quietly, "Just stop, okay?" I looked to her, seeing that our bickering was making her feel worse. I gave Jacob a sigh, stepping back.

"Sorry." Jacob sighed, looking down.

I didn't respond to Jacob's word. I just looked back up to Bella.

"So hey, enjoy your movie and I'll see you around?"

"Uh," She said, her voice shaking slightly, "Yeah. Hey, uhm.. If you ever want anyone to walk around with, just give me a call." She dug around in the small purse on her shoulder, lifting out a pen and scrap piece of paper, "Days seem to be kind of long for me these days."

"You and me both." I said quietly as she handed me the piece of paper. I gave her a small smile, before looking to Jacob, "No hard feelings?"

"Nah." Jacob shrugged, "I guess I get it."

I nodded, "It was nice meeting you guys."

"You too." Mike nodded, along with Jacob. With that I turned and walked back up the street, headed for the bus stop.

"Hey," Jacob called, and I paused, looking back at him, "Don't die. You should really get that cough checked out."

"Yeah, I'll consider it." I lied, smiling bitterly. He shook his head, probably wondering what in the hell was the matter with me.

I almost didn't get to the station in time to catch the bus home. I had to run to catch it, hopping on at the last second. I really didn't want to wait any later, as that would have made me late getting home.

I got home, and I thought I was dying.

My cough was double what it was before, and my fever had risen again. Taking my temperature before turning out the light, it was 104.9. I almost had to gasp for breath, shallowly, due to all the fluid in my lungs. I decided to stay home that night, despite how I'd really did want to visit the porch again. I didn't foresee a fight tonight, as Keith was already in bed by the time I dragged myself into my room. Although, if I did decide to go back to their house, I'd probably die that night. That thought didn't seem so bad to me.

Taking a couple swigs of night time cough syrup, I gagged and turned off the light. I knew it'd probably do nothing but cover the symptoms, but I desperately needed sleep.

I groaned what felt like seconds later, flinching weakly at something cold being pressed against my forehead. I opened my eyes, and it was still dark in my room. I could barely see by the light of the streetlight outside shining partially in my window. The nightlight that was usually on at night was shut off. Looking to the clock, it was just after 11:30pm, and there was someone seated on the side of my bed, comforting me with their hand.

I swore I was dreaming this.

Whoever it was didn't say a word, only replaced their hand. It felt wonderful against my overheated head, as it was ice cold. I didn't think much of the temperature, because with as hot as my skin was, I doubted anything would feel warmer than ice. I relaxed until I had to cough again, gasping for breath after a few unsuccessful tries to clear my lungs. Despite how hot my skin was, I shivered under the blanket.

My head pounded harshly, and I nearly cried in pain. I would have if I'd have been able to. I brought my hands up, touching my palms to my head and clenching my teeth until the wave of pain eased just enough to cry. A few tears escaped my eyes, a quiet whimper the only sound I was able to make. I was miserable, one sick pup.

The stranger seated on the side of my bed reached behind them onto the bedside table and lifted three bottles of pills. Still without a word, they opened the bottles, taking two from one and one each from the other two, holding them out to me.

I hesitated, unsure. Though I still couldn't see who this person was, I somehow knew I could trust them. I didn't know how, but I wasn't able to really rationalize in the state I was in, either. I reached up and took them, struggling to lean up far enough to take them without choking. I was given a glass of water as well.

It puzzled me how this person wouldn't speak. Even a stranger would have the decency to say something when climbing into a sick young girl's window at night.

Before taking the pills, I tried so hard to see who they were. I may as well have been blind, because I still couldn't see a damn thing. I saw the outline of this person, and from that, I could tell that it wasn't my mother. It was hard to concentrate, hard to keep a steady train of thought. My thoughts were a jumbled mess, burning up with the fever too quickly, so I gave up trying to think.

I looked at the pills in the palm of my hand. I knew by the look of the biggest one, that it was an antibiotic. Two others were Aspirin, probably to bring the fever down and help with the headache. The fourth pill was smaller, tiny compared to the others. I didn't know what it was for, but I didn't want to question it too much. The other three were harmless. This one probably was as well.

I threw all four of the pills in my mouth and swallowed them with several heavy gulps of water.

"Thank you." I whispered, hoping to get a response from the stranger. In the darkness, I saw them nod. Without touching my skin again, they took the glass from my hand gently and insisted I lay back down. Which I did without a fuss. I pulled the blanket higher over me, and somewhere in my mind, I was at ease. I should have been freaking the hell out. Screaming my head off that some stranger was feeding me pills in the middle of the night. It made no sense to me, but then again, nothing about this situation did.

I felt cared for in this stranger's presence, something I hadn't felt in several months. It'd been several months since I had been taken care of, instead of having to be so strong on my own. Sure, my mom housed me and protected me from her asshole boyfriend, but that was all she was able to do. Especially considering I hadn't told her yet how sick I was. She couldn't do anything about me still being sick if she didn't know.

After a few minutes of laying there, I realized what the small blue pill was for. My head spun, and exhaustion washed over me. It was to help me sleep. I felt myself drifting off, and my eyes closed.

"Please." I whispered as I was falling asleep, "Stay." I fought the exhaustion, wanting to stay with the stranger. I somehow sensed that as soon as I was asleep, they would be gone just as silently as they appeared. The hand replaced itself over my forehead, and that eased me enough to finally lose the fight against sleep.

I dreamed of my family, more particularly Carlisle. Something that I hadn't had in a few days, the abandonment nightmares came forward again, but I wasn't able to wake up in tears. I felt myself crying, my heart breaking all over again, and couldn't do anything about it.

I jerked awake after several hours of this, to another cool feeling over my forehead. It was bright in my room now, no longer pitch dark.

"Easy." I blinked up at my mom's voice, "You need to rest." I watched as she pulled a cool washcloth away from me. I looked around me for the stranger, no longer seeing them. Even if I never saw them to begin with, I couldn't help trying. Maybe I imagined them, hallucinating in my feverish state.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" I asked groggily.

"I have the day off." She said, smiling comfortingly down at me, "The bar thought one sick day wouldn't hurt. Kathy is taking over for me today. She didn't mind the extra shift."

"Oh.." I muttered, still looking around, "Wait, how did you know I was still sick?"

"Something told me to come in here to check on you." She told me, "Your fever is still there, baby. You need to stay in bed. No more field trips until it's gone, okay?"

I nodded, knowing what she meant. I wasn't about to argue with her. I was somewhat able to breathe again, and my headache barely effected me.

"Hey, mom?" I asked sleepily, "Did you come into my room last night?"

"Eventually." She replied, "As soon as I got home. I'm sorry last night was such a late night." A late night for her was considered after 2am. I specifically remembered the time on the clock being much earlier than that.

"Where'd you get these pills?" My mom asked, lifting three pill bottles from the night stand. Two orange, like the medical bottles, and the other was plain Aspirin. Fever reducer, and pain reliever. So I hadn't imagined it.

"Picked them up on my way home the other day." I lied, reaching out for them. Looking at them, the label told me what they were. The name of the pills, but the part of the label where it told me who prescribed them was torn off. Odd.

I hardly remembered anything about the night before. Still groggy, and trying so hard to understand just what had happened.

"Well, I'm glad." She said, "Are they helping you?"

"A lot." I nodded, surprised.

"Good." She smoothed my hair back, tucking a strand behind my ear.

I shook my head a bit and looked at the clock. It was safe to take them again, seeing as how it was 11am. I wanted to be responsible with these. I took the antibiotic and two more Aspirin, knowing I should. I left the small pale blue pill for bedtime, not wanting to pass out again.

I was still groggy, but hungry. I went to stand, but my mom stopped me.

"Stay in bed, sweetheart." I was surprised. This was the first time I'd seen my mom actually be a mom, "Whatever it is, I'll get it. What do you need?"

"Uh.." I paused, "More water, and something to eat?"

"Done." She smiled, taking the glass from my hand, "I'll be right back." She stood and left the room, closing the door softly behind her, leaving me bewildered. She returned briefly with the glass of water, and left again.

About thirty minutes later she came back in with chicken soup. It was canned, but I didn't mind in the least.

**A/N: Yay! A second reviewer! Xx Rebel Writer xX, you're awesome. I literally went :D just by seeing it. Thanks so much for your kind review!  
Anyhoo, slowly winding down now, but chapters will be coming out quicker. Mainly because I'm bored.** **So sorry. (:**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Mom and I spent the day in my room, watching movies and chatting. When I was actually able to spend time with her, she wasn't so bad. We locked the door so Keith couldn't bother us and just wasted the day. He never tried to, either. Knowing where both of us were, he didn't care what we were doing.

She laid between me and the wall, over-top the covers. I had more chicken soup for dinner. The day turned to night, and we finished our sixth movie. I didn't want her to go back to work the next day. I liked having company. It was all I wanted from her, but I knew she had to work to keep a roof over my head.

I'd had a handful of successful coughs during the day, and I knew the antibiotics were doing their job. My headache was all but gone, and I knew my fever had gone down. It was time to take them again, though, and go to sleep.

I took all four pills, taking the Aspirin one more time just in case, and my mom sat with me while the sleeping pill took effect.

"Mom?" I asked quietly before it had.

"Hmm?" She asked, stroking my hair back.

"Why do you go for guys like Keith? Or Jack?" I asked, "I mean, you deserve so much better. Why didn't you stay with dad?"

She sighed, "Well," She said, "He and I wanted different things in our lives."

"You should have compromised."

"It's more difficult than that." She reasoned, "It's not about compromise when nothing seems to fit anymore."

"How come you never let dad be in my life?"

She froze for a moment, before continuing to smooth my hair, "That was Jack's decision. He had me so wrapped up back then." She shook her head, looking down, "It was almost immediate. I was afraid of being alone, with you as barely a toddler, and I had no idea what I was doing." Her voice was quiet, but full of pain, "Jack came up to us one night, and right then and there, promised to take care of us. I believed him so easily, making the choice. My choices brought you pain, and I can never take that back."

I felt the pill kicking in, but I fought it as she continued.

"I love you so much, and I promise to never let anyone hurt you again. I will never touch that stuff again. I love you with all my heart, Leandra, and I hope one day I can prove that to you."

"I love you too, mom." I mumbled as I drifted off.

That night, I dreamed of Jack. I didn't know if my dream was real, but in this dream I was a small child. It was the time my mom told me about, when he first came up to us. I remembered it, but just barely. It was only glimpses, like the memories I had of my father from back then, but I remembered him. I remembered Jack, and all the subtle ways he would threaten me as a toddler. Send me running from the room in terror with just a gesture, or a few choice words.

The beatings didn't really start until his subtle threats no longer worked. I was about four and a half years old when I received my first harsh beating, and he made sure I understood that no matter what, nobody was to know. He didn't even attempt to apologize for it. All he told me was that the pain I was in was my fault. For doing whatever it was. I didn't even remember what it was I'd done to make him mad enough to grab that electrical cord.

All night, I dreamed of my earlier memories of Jack. Ones I thought I'd forgotten. Memories played, the older ones. How I'd cry, laying in my bed at night. Wishing so badly I wouldn't wake up the next morning. My heart hurting so badly, breaking so harshly, signified by my sobs in the dark bedroom. I'd call for my mom, crying harder when she never came.

Night after night, year after year, I grew up being repeatedly disappointed by her. Never, not once, had she come when I called to her. I didn't even know why I kept bothering. I'd just stare at the light filtering in under the door from the hallway, hoping I'd see her feet interrupt the light. Just once. Just one time, I'd have given anything to know she was coming.

The dreams slowly coincided. My abandonment dreams, and my older memories of my mother never coming. They played, almost side by side, and my subconscious sent forth the knowledge of how I truly felt. I'd always remember this realization. It'd stick with me for however long I lived.

I woke up to the morning light filtering through my window, having slept the night. I was disoriented at first, wondering why my pillow was wet, and why my eyes were puffy.

Slowly, I recalled the dreams I'd had, everything I remembered, and slowly started to cry. Sobs began to build and I curled my legs to my chest. I understood why I had the dreams I had, and I knew why I recalled exactly what I did. The similarities were just too vast to ignore.

I had cried my share of tears over Carlisle, and my family, but remembering, dreaming about crying out for my mother all those years reminded me why exactly I was so hurt. I cried every night again. I cried so many times, countless amounts of tears, needing Carlisle to come back. To help me, because I was stuck in a situation that I couldn't get out of. I needed him, and he wasn't coming.

I thought I was almost healed, I thought I'd almost moved on. Boy, was I wrong.

The pain returned ten fold, crushing me to the mattress. I needed them, I needed them more than I could ever begin to describe, and I was crushed to pieces because they weren't here. The empty ache in my heart shattered open again, rougher than before. Violently, painfully ripping open to where I thought it'd never close again. I'd never be whole again without my family beside me, and it hurt to realize this.

Carlisle thought I was strong enough to handle this? He thought I'd moved on, and was ready to face life without them? He was wrong. He was so very, very wrong. I needed them, and I couldn't have them. I clenched my fists in the blanket over my knees, trembling with the force of my cries.

Losing them had effected me, changed me in ways I couldn't fix.

"Carlisle!" I called, half in anger, half in despair, "Dammit, you lied to me!" I broke off in sobs, tears rolling down my cheeks, off my chin as I lowered my head, pressing my forehead to my knees. How was I supposed to move on when they were the best part of who I was? Who I used to be?

It felt horrible. This pain. I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I cried for the rest of the afternoon. Hating how alone I was, how afraid I was. Sitting on my bed, curled into a self-preserving ball in the center of it, I cried for the way things were before. I cried for hours, waiting for the pain in my heart and in my chest to ease enough to just breathe again.

I always thought they were right beside me. I always thought that Carlisle would always be beside me. He always told me I'd never have to be alone, that he'd always be there. No matter what. But he was gone. Just gone. I realized then, that my wandering wasn't to help me think. It was my subconscious searching for them. Just a hint as to where they might be. Secretly searching for my family, my source of support and company.

The other night, I thought I'd found one. The one I thought I'd always been able to rely on, but I never found him. I found Bella instead. I remembered that she'd given me her number. Maybe being around her would make the pain ease? It was as if a small piece of my family had returned, and my heart didn't want to let go. I climbed off the bed and walked numbly to the phone, dialing her number carefully.

"Jake?" Her worried voice answered.

"Uh." I said quietly, "No. It's Leandra."

"Oh." She sighed, "Hey Leandra. What are you up to?"

"About three foot eight." I muttered, my sarcastic side coming through. She gave a weak laugh, and I was just glad she got it, "Nothing really. How about you?"

"Same." She sighed, "Just waiting on a phone call, actually." I was quiet for a moment, before speaking again.

"Can I come over?" I asked quietly, "I could use some company."

"Good." Keith called from the couch, "Get the fuck out."

"Who was that?" Bella asked, a frown in her voice.

"My mom's stupid boyfriend." I muttered.

"Bitch." Keith growled at me.

I sighed before turning my attention back to Bella, "So can I come over?"

"Sure." She said, her voice concerned. She gave me an address, and I got dressed quickly before heading out the door.

The entire way there, I kept my eyes down. Trying, struggling not to remember what I remembered the night before. That was the worst night I'd had in such a long time, and it shook me. It hurt me to subconsciously compare what happened when I was little, needing my mother to come and save me, to what was going on now. With the Cullens.

"Hey." She greeted when I knocked on the door. I smiled a little and stepped in when she waved me in.

"Hey." I said, looking around her house as I took off my thin jacket, "Nice place."

"Thanks." She said, "Would you like anything to drink?"

"Sure." I sighed, "Just water is okay. It's quite a walk from my house to yours."

"You walked here?" She frowned, heading into the kitchen.

"Yeah." I said, following, "I walk everywhere. It helps me clear my head. Thanks." I took the glass of water she offered and sipped it, keeping my eyes down.

"Rough night?" She asked hesitantly, as if not really wanting to hear the answer. I looked up at her before looking back down.

"Understatement." I replied bitterly, setting the glass to the side. She nodded, not wanting to pry. For which I was grateful. I had a feeling she knew what it was like to not be willing to tell everyone everything. That she knew what it was like to just want to keep her thoughts to herself.

"Not to be nosey," She said quietly, "But.. Your mom's boyfriend..?"

"Keith." I nodded, "Long, long story. Don't worry about it." My tone told her that I wasn't willing to tell her the long story I referenced. I considered it, knowing who her father was, and I considered it strongly, but I wasn't sure how my mom would take to that.

"So how have you been? Since.." I murmured, looking down. She looked down as well, before speaking.

"Not so good."

"Me either." I shook my head, following her into the living room.

She filled me in on what the months had been like for her. The pain she was in on a daily basis seemed to match my own, but I hid mine better than she did. I chose to hide it mostly, while she chose depression to express her pain. Just talking about it, however, seemed to help her just a bit.

We talked all afternoon, the evening closing in before I even noticed the time passing. My cough was back, the day seeming to be unseasonably cold. Maybe it was the ice in my chest that caused it to return? I realized with a start that part of me hoped this time, I wouldn't pull through.

"I didn't know they meant so much to you too." She admitted, "But now that I think about it, I should have realized that they would. You spent just about as much time with them as I did with Edward."

I nodded, "They helped me. I pretty much owe them my life." I felt the tears threaten to come forward, but fought them, "They showed me what a real family could be like. I just.." I sighed, standing and pacing, "I don't understand why Carlisle would just up and leave without telling me goodbye. That's what bothers me the most. That none of them would give me the chance to say goodbye in person. Without a second glance, without anything. They just dropped me on my ass and left." I paused, looking at her, "Even after Carlisle promised to always be there."

"He probably felt that you could handle it." She offered quietly, a slight hint of pain in her tone.

"But I _can't_." I sighed, sitting back down, "I can't just move on. It's not that simple. I've needed him so much since they've been gone. I've needed them so much." My voice broke, and I saw her pain that mirrored mine, "I-I feel like.. Like I can't breathe. It hurts so much."

"Trust me, I know how you feel." She sighed, "I feel the same way."

"And what hurts the most, is that they did this the way they did after everything that had happened in the last year." I whimpered, "Why did they think that it would be a good idea? That I'd be _okay_ with them leaving me the way they did? No chance to say goodbye. Just a stupid fucking phone call. Didn't they think I deserved more than that? Didn't they think that I wouldn't deal well with that? I was always promised that I'd never have to deal with everything on my own anymore. But look at me now. I'm a goddamned wreck, and they don't even care." I shook my head, looking down, "How could they?"

She was quiet. I probably upset her with my rant, but I needed to let it out. I needed to vent to someone who had been there also. I needed to tell her how much it hurt, even if she already knew.

"Did Edward only give you a phone call too?" I asked, looking over at her.

"No." She said quietly, "No, he told me on a walk."

"Oh." I said, looking down again.

"I think I would have preferred the phone call."

"Have you tried calling them?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"Disconnected." We both said quietly at the same time. It was quiet for a minute.

"Now that I need them the most, they don't know." I whispered. I closed my eyes, shaking my head against the tears that threatened to spill, "The only thing this has taught me is the only person I can rely on is myself. Fuck everyone else. Fuck everything." I paused, taking a deep breath, coughing roughly because of it, "I've done my crying over them, Bella. It hurts, it does. I won't deny that, but just because we cry, doesn't mean they're coming back. The best thing we can do for ourselves, is to just forget about them. It's the only way we can live again."

"It's not that easy for me." She said quietly.

"I know." I said, "It's not easy for me, either. Trust me."

Before she could respond, we both looked over at Charlie as he came in the door. I hadn't seen him either since Jack's trial. His eyes were surprised as he closed the door behind him.

"Hi there, Leandra." He said, hanging his coat up, "What are you doing here?"

"Just visiting with Bella." I told him, "I needed some company."

"How have you been?" He asked, stepping over. I knew he was referencing my previous episodes with the police.

I glanced to Bella, asking her with my eyes not to say anything.

"Just fine. Thanks for asking. How are you?"

"I'm good." He nodded, "Doing better now that Bella seems to be. Them leaving had a big impact on her."

"Dad." Bella grumbled.

"I believe it." I responded, "Hopefully I can help her a little. I'm not going anywhere."

"That's good to hear." He sighed, "So I hear your mom just got hired down at the general store?"

"Another job?" I groaned, shaking my head, "That makes three."

"Three jobs?" Charlie asked, shaking his head, "When do you ever see her?"

"Well," I sighed, "She works the laundromat Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings, and the gas station all day on weekends. I guess she picked up the general store for Tuesdays and Thursdays. Any time she is home, she's so exhausted." I shook my head, "She's trying so hard, but it's hard on her."

"She just wants a better life for you." Charlie told me gently.

"I know." I nodded, "Sorry. I didn't mean to complain."

"It's perfectly understandable." Charlie told me, his eyes sad.

"I should be going." I said quietly, "Bella, I'll call you later okay?"

"Okay." She responded, standing also, "It was nice to see you again, Leandra. Thank you for the company."

"Same to you." I said quietly, walking to the door and lifting my coat down. I had to pause as another cough forced its way out. Starting from deep in my chest, rattling up my throat.

"Dad," Bella said, "Can you give her a lift home? She walked here."

"Of course." Charlie said before I could turn down the offer, "That sounds like a pretty nasty cough."

"I've been sick for a few weeks." I admitted as we walked out the door.

I was quiet the whole drive home, and as soon as Charlie pulled up out front, Keith came outside. My heart sank, and knew he misunderstood. I glanced to Charlie, giving him a tight smile before pushing open the door and stepping out.

"What have you done now?" Keith demanded, pulling me to him by my arm. Seeing this, Charlie immediately stepped out of his car.

"I didn't do anything." I spat back at him, tearing my arm from his grip.

"I swear, if you knocked off a store or something, I'm giving you to the state. I'm done with your shit, Leandra." Keith growled down at me.

"She hasn't done anything wrong." Charlie clarified, clearly not appreciating Keith's tone, "I was just giving her a lift home."

Keith looked up at him, before sighing and changing his tune.

"In that case, I apologize." He pulled me to him again, hugging me roughly. I grunted, glaring at the ground, "I'm just paranoid. Her mother and I could really do without more stress. Don't you think, Leandra?"

"I haven't done anything wrong." I growled between clenched teeth.

"Good." He said, chuckling tightly, "Your mom is working late tonight, so I guess it's just you and me tonight, kid." Super.

"You going to be okay, Leandra?" Charlie asked me, obviously distrusting Keith. Again, I had to make a decision. Tell him, or just let it be?

My mom said she'd handle it. I didn't want to go over her head, and take care of this myself when she'd already told me not to, and I had to admit. My previous experiences with putting an abusive asshole in jail weren't the best. Yes, Jack did get put away, but the family I'd come to trust while my mom recovered turned their back on me. The thought of that happening ever again helped me decide. That swayed my decision heavily.

"I'm fine." I said quietly, looking up at Keith, "You order the pizza, or me?"

"You can." Keith smiled down at me, knowing what I was doing, "I did it last time."

"If you're sure." Charlie murmured, meeting my eyes again. I nodded, and he hesitated before nodding as well. We stayed standing there, watching as Charlie drove away. Slowly, and I knew he was watching us.

As soon as he turned the corner, he shoved me away from him, and I wasted no time. Heading into the house, glaring down the entire way.

**A/N: Chapter eight: Check! Hope you enjoyed this one. It was pretty emotional to write. ;D**


	9. Chapter 9

**Important Note: This chapter has a wee bit of violence in it. Actually, quite a bit. Hence, the rating. Prepare thy selves! Forward!  
**

**Chapter Nine**

I'd learned to hate the quiet nights. When no fights happened.

The quiet nights just meant that there was one brewing. The longer they went without fighting, the more it built and built, until finally the pressure would be too much. They'd never gone more than three days before exploding at each other, usually him starting it.

They were going on two weeks now, and I was tense. I felt the tension, and I feared what the next fight would bring. They'd carefully avoid each other as if they didn't exist.

I'd sit up, waiting for my mom to get home, and after she'd go to bed, I'd leave again. I returned to their porch, often without a jacket or anything else. I didn't want to be weighed down in case I had to run again. I hardly felt the cold anymore, fearful over the situation at home, and numb inside.

I tried to take my own advice, and just stop crying over them. I honestly tried, but the more determined I made myself, I knew it was building.

Just like the fights.

The longer I went without crying or letting myself feel the pain, the harsher I knew the breakdown would be when it hit me again.

Over the last two weeks, I'd attempted to call Bella again, only to find her not home, or no answer at all. I probably made her feel bad over my venting, and she didn't want to hear it again. Stupid me. I scolded myself for opening my stupid mouth when she was probably going through so much more than I was.

She loved Edward. I loved everyone as well, but not in the same way. Maybe nearly the same intensity, but not the same way. I loved them like family. I relied on them, I looked up to them. Every single one of them, and to someone like me, that meant a lot. I'd finally found a family, a real family that, I thought, cared about me.

I was lost in thought as I sat there on the porch. I tucked my frozen hands into my thin sleeves and I revisited the memory of the blonde haired man in Port Angeles that night. So many things were familiar about him, but I scolded myself for even thinking that it could ever be Carlisle. It had comforted me for just a second, but then I realized. It had been four months to the day. I still had no idea why it was they'd left. No explanation, no apology. Not even the hint that it was hard to leave me. He'd never come back. Not for me.

That thought saddened me a bit.

The only explanation I could think of was they were afraid I'd tell someone about what I saw. The closest I came to doing that, was Andrew, and that wasn't even close to decipherable. He probably thought I'd just gotten into a fight with them or something.

I shook my head, looking down. My fingers played with the butterfly pendant I'd gotten for my birthday back in July. It had never left my neck. I never took it off, keeping it tucked into my shirt.

I hadn't seen Andrew in quite some time. I wasn't sure how I felt about him. I knew he was there for me when no one else was. I was just hesitant to believe that I actually had some sort of friend in all of this. Whenever I'd see him, he was never upset that it had been so long between visits. He was always just happy to see me.

And his dad was the nicest guy. I knew better than to trust him, but he'd never given me a reason not to. He never failed to invite me to stay for dinner, knowing I probably needed it. Never prying, but quietly understanding that something just wasn't quite right. One fraction of my smile just wasn't genuine enough, and I knew he saw it.

The way Carlisle always used to.

Against my will, I thought back to how much Carlisle had meant to me just a few months ago. The good memories for once, instead of the usual pain-filled ones. I usually tried to avoid those thoughts, because it made me feel horrible. I remembered what it felt like to have him in my life. Holding my hand securely. Whether to comfort me, or to keep me from doing something stupid, he always had my back. Being able to go to him with any problem in the world, and he'd know how to fix it. I could have killed somebody, and he would know what to do. Now that I was without him, I felt lonely. Hopeless. Lost. I wasn't a child anymore, and I saw no reason to go back to that. Wishing for someone who would always know what to do. For support, or guidance. I was destined to grow up at ten years old, and that was just fine with me.

By leaving during the night before I was really fully well again, my cough had returned full force, and stayed the same, and the same small part of me wished it would get worse. I refused to take the medication I knew would save my life this time. I saw no reason to take it. It hurt to breathe, my throat and lungs so sore. I was tired. Just tired all the time and I knew no amount of sleep would fix it.

The next day was my mom's day off. A day I'd been dreading for a week. The job she worked on Tuesdays was training a new employee, and she hadn't been working there long enough to train anyone, so they were calling someone else in to do it.

Without sleeping a wink, I headed home by dawn. Dreading each step that took me closer to home. The house was quiet when I got there, mom probably sleeping in. She rarely got the chance to, so I let her.

I fished around in the fridge for something to eat, but realized I wasn't hungry. Nervousness had formed a ball in my stomach, making eating anything impossible.

"And she graces us with her presence." Keith's voice had me jump, looking toward the kitchen doorway. Standing there shirtless, in just his pajama pants, his smug look told me he was satisfied at that moment, so I knew they probably wouldn't fight right away. I had at least a few hours. Him and I, I wasn't so sure about. He seemed to be in the mood to antagonize me. I shook my head, looking back into the refrigerator.

"What?" He barked, "No good morning?" I chose not to respond, keeping my eyes to the fridge, "Hello?"

"Shut up." I muttered, "Don't wake mom."

"Oh, well, excuse me." He chuckled, turning and leaving the kitchen, much to my relief. I listened to the bedroom door close, and knew he'd gone back in there with her.

I sat on the couch, watching TV but listening for any sounds of fighting. The morning turned to afternoon. Just as afternoon was turning to evening, and I was searching for anything to eat yet again, the door opened again. Keith came back out, dressed the same way. Including the satisfied smirk.

"So anyway." He strode into the kitchen, "Where were we?"

"You were just leaving." I grumbled, scanning the pantry.

"Oh, that's not happening, princess." He said confidently, lighting a cigarette. I glared onto the shelves as he continued, "Your mom and I made up today. So I wouldn't go into the room for awhile." I visably cringed, gagging a little, "I think we'll be okay. Nice try, though."

"Let me know how that goes." I muttered.

"She definitely wasn't complaining."

"Uh," I grumbled, pausing, "Gross."

"Oh, don't worry." He sneered, "You won't be saying that in five years. You'll grow up to be a little slut." I tensed, clenching my teeth, "Just like her." I slammed the pantry door shut, spinning and glaring at him. I dared him with my eyes to repeat that. Seeing he'd hit a nerve, he grinned, cocky as they came, "My little slut."

I flinched as if those words had burned me. Clenching my teeth tighter, something in me snapped at hearing those words. I swore I'd never have to hear them again, even if he didn't mean them in the same context. At least, I hoped. I didn't think, I didn't reconsider.

Without hesitation, and with ultimate precision, I grabbed a hand-held can opener off the counter to my right, and flung it as hard as I could at his head. If it had been a knife, I would have thrown it harder.

I watched, shocked at first, as it made contact with his forehead, right above his left eyebrow before it clattered to the floor.

Oops.

His snarl of pain hit my ears, and I flinched, watching with wide eyes as he covered his forehead, cursing loudly. I'd broken skin. Pretty well too, signified by the blood now pouring down the left side of his face. He looked back up, meeting my eyes with angry ones of his own, and I knew. I'd better run.

Right as that thought crossed my mind, he started for me. I got moving, dashing from the room and missed his grabs for me by a fraction of an inch.

"Mom!" I screamed as loud as I could, hoping this time, it wouldn't be in vain.

"Don't wake her up!" He sneered, mocking my earlier words, "Come here, you little bitch!" We circled the couch and coffee table, and I dove over them just in time, listening to him trip over the coffee table leg, hitting the floor.

I continued on, nearly plowing into my mom who stepped out of the room quickly. I was only able to concentrate on my shock at seeing her actually respond to my cry for help for a second, before my arm was grabbed and I was spun around, slammed into the hallway wall, letting out a coughing cry as all the air was knocked out of me. Pinned upright by a very angry Keith, and a violent backhand sent me straight to the floor.

Shocked I held my consciousness, I couldn't hear anything for a minute or two. Ringing replacing any other noises. Disoriented and dizzy, I laid on the floor waiting for the time when I could move again. I pushed myself up, watching as blood dripped steadily onto the carpet below me. I brought my shaking hand up, realizing that it was my blood. Flowing in a river down my face from my nose, and my lip. I started to get scared then.

I looked up, further down the hall as my mother stood screaming at him at the top of her lungs. I'd never seen so much anger in her before, even during their other fights. The anger in her even scared me for a moment, but looking to Keith, I worried even more. The anger I knew to feel shined brightly in his eyes as he shouted back at her. I barely heard them at first, and slowly, the ringing died down, and I wished it hadn't.

I witnessed right then what happened when two people who were incompatible met. Two people who should never have met, facing each other. The result was this. Screaming at each other, pushing, hitting, punching and kicking each other. It was the very definition of hatred. Something I never wanted to see. Something I never should have had to see. It hurt me to see this. Knowing my mom felt so strongly against this man, and I couldn't do anything about it.

She shoved him as hard as she could backwards, and spun, coming back over to me. She kneeled beside me, looking me over for only a second. I watched, wide eyed as he came for her again.

"Mom, watch out!" I cried just as he aimed a kick straight for her. Catching her in the side, she lost all her breath as well. As he was focused on her, I wrapped myself around his standing leg, sinking my teeth into his calf. He gave another snarl of pain, reaching down for me. Twisting his hand tightly into my hair, he peeled me off of him, throwing me against the wall again. I hit it harder this time, struggling to breathe as I hit the floor on my own. I coughed violently, willing my lungs to work again.

Recovering, mom had stood back up and slammed her fist as hard as she could into his face, sending him sprawling back onto the floor. She pulled me away from him, tugging me quickly down the hall and into my room.

"Run." She said urgently, and I hesitated, "Run, baby. Go."

"Mom." I whimpered, watching back down the hall as he climbed to his feet, triple the amount of anger radiating from him.

"Go." She said again, pushing me toward the window, "I'll hold him off. Go!" The urgency in her voice had me run to the window, throwing it open.

"Come with me." I plead behind me.

"Go, baby!" She called, meeting my eyes from across the dark room. I saw the determination there, and I saw the fear. She was afraid of him, and I knew why, but she wasn't about to let that stop her from getting me away. Her near scream urged me to throw myself through the window, out onto the lawn and nearly fly away from the house.

I stumbled at first, still incredibly dizzy, but I forced myself back to my feet.

I ran as fast as I could, given my current health, and the state of my nose and lip. I rounded the block, heading straight for Andrew's house.

I landed on the porch, gasping for breath and pounding on the door as urgently as I could, hoping I was fast enough. Richard answered the door, his eyes immediately going wide as he took in the state of my face. He pulled me inside, and raced from the house.

"Stay there!" He called back to me, running down the street, pulling out his cell phone on the way. Fat chance. I followed him from the house, back toward home.

We got there in time to listen to the three gun shots echo from inside. We both stopped dead in our tracks, almost disbelieving of what I just heard as we stood in the middle of the street. Silence for a few seconds, before one more made me flinch and instantly piece together what had just happened.

I didn't know what to do at first.

I just stood there, gasping for breath. My feet tried to carry me closer to the house, but Richard pulled me back. Snapping out of it, I was instantly sobbing, fighting from his hands and running off. Back up the street, despite his calls behind me.

Tears blinded me, and there were times when I couldn't pull in enough air. I felt like I was suffocating, and had to stop running, but eventually I made it. I made it to the Cullens house. The only home I had left, all I had left to this hell I called my life.

I was smart. I hid in the trees this time, waiting until I made sure the cops saw I wasn't there before I bothered to come out. Every other time, I'd been on the porch so they didn't bother checking the trees.

Once they were gone, and I made sure they were gone, I half crawled out of the trees, up the porch steps. I only made it up two of the steps, and gave up. Laying face down on the cold wood. Sobbing breathlessly, emotions pouring through me just as fast as tears poured from my eyes.

I was angry, unimaginably angry. At everything. At the fact that I hadn't been fast enough. That I had even bothered to leave at all. That I'd left her there alone with him. That I hadn't even tried to stay or help. That I hadn't even considered the fact that it could escalate that quickly.

I was heart broken. My heart broke at the fact that she would die just to protect me. That she would give her life to prove to me how much she truly did love me. She would stand between him and me, just to keep him from hurting me any more.

I was frightened, so extremely frightened at what I'd just been through, and the image that was painted into my mind. I was frightened at just the very thought of what was going to happen to me now? Where was I going to go? What more would I have to live through? What more could this life possibly do to me?

I sobbed into the wood beneath me, now and then pounding my fist into it. I hated everything, everyone at that moment. It was suffocating, grief slamming so hard into my heart that I couldn't take a breath in.

I didn't know if my nose was broken. I honestly didn't care. I knew I still had blood caked down the front of my face, and was probably still bleeding all over their porch, but I still couldn't make myself care. Nothing mattered any more. Not my life, and certainly not my blood. I was a coward. I ran, saving myself when I could have done something to help her. This entire situation was my fault. If I had just kept my temper, she would still be alive. If I hadn't of lost it, then this night could have ended differently.

I coughed violently, this time tasting blood that hadn't come from my split and swollen lip. This blood came from my chest. My lungs. I was drowning, yet I still couldn't make myself care.

What more did I have to live for? I had nothing left. My dad didn't give two cares about me. Sure, he was my dad, but he wouldn't miss me either way.

I tried to warn her. I told her she couldn't handle him, and I knew something like this would happen. Certainly not this soon, but I knew it.

A cold, steady rain began to fall, stinging my exposed skin and quickly soaking through my clothes. I couldn't make myself move. I let it drench me, not bothering to seek shelter from the ice that fell upon me. I shivered, trembling violently on the wood.

Reminded so painfully of the first night I'd run here, the second night I was with my mom again, I cried harder. If that was possible. At just the memory of showing up in the rain to see the house warmly lit, and Carlisle coming to meet me as soon as I made it to the door. When I first sought shelter here, and found it.

Oh god, how I needed him. I needed all of them. I needed anyone, someone to tell me that I wasn't worthless, that I wasn't a horrible person. To tell me, reassure me that I was worth each breath I took. That I had a reason to live again, because losing everything I ever cared about hurt more than I could ever begin to heal from otherwise. Having it leave me, and be taken from me. Torn away from me in such a violent way.

I squeezed my eyes shut in my despair, a jagged form of depression squeezing my throat closed, and my heart ached to stop beating. To just give up, and stop trying to live in a world that I mattered to no one. How no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fit in, or belong. How no matter how I tried, nobody would stay.

I didn't know how long I laid there. Eventually, I couldn't cry anymore. The cold rain stealing my energy, and I just laid there limply, hating everything. Hating life, hating myself. Hating every choice I ever made. Thinking of everything I could have done to prevent this night from happening, and regretting the day I was born.

I'd never be the same person I was before tonight, I thought as I was falling slowly into unconsciousness. I'd never be the same.

**A/N: I try not to make these too short. :D  
Next chapter will be the last, and then I'll consider Eclipse as well. We'll see how that goes. If I can get it right, perhaps BD. Not sure on that one, but we'll see. ;D Hope you enjoyed this chapter. This one was quite difficult to write as well. Sometimes, though descriptions come easy, it doesn't make it any easier to write.  
**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Okay, so I honestly did think this would be the final chapter, but I guess I was wrong. There is one left after this one. My editing of this section sort of got carried away, and I like it. So it stays lol  
**

**Chapter Ten**

It had to be passed midnight by the time I regained enough consciousness to even consider moving. By the time I wanted to, I found I couldn't move. I didn't have the energy to. All I could do was curl weakly into myself, hoping the rain would stop soon. Soaked from head to toe in what felt like ice, my hair stuck to the back of my neck and to my face.

I was resigned to death, I realized. If I didn't find some way to warm up, or even move, I would die right there on the porch. I wasn't as afraid of that thought as I knew I should have been. Staying alive had lost its appeal, and I found myself reluctant to even attempt another breath. Not that I could take a decent one anyway. I'd lost everything that ever mattered to me. I closed my eyes again, making a decision.

If I wasn't dead by the time morning came, I would find some way to do it myself.

I had no business trying to live. Not when all that waited for me was more pain, more heartbreak. Loneliness and fear. All this life had shown me was despair. Nobody was around to care, so why not?

I remembered Rose's speech several months ago. About how bad situations could turn out alright. All the possibilities and what not. I scoffed, coughing a bit. Her words didn't mean much to me now. Just a painful reminder of how easily I was led to believe I was loved. Cared about. The only possibility I faced besides death was somehow surviving this, and being shoved toward a new family. One I wouldn't trust, because they weren't the ones I wanted.

I clenched my teeth around a pain-filled renewed sob, and the rain seemed to pick up around me. Pouring down faster, soaking me even further.

A new family would never be the ones I wanted. No matter who it was. If I were to die anywhere in the world right that second, I found I was satisfied that it would be on the porch of the only home I truly knew. Of the only place in the entire world right then that could bring me at least a hint of comfort, ease my despair just a bit.

I closed my eyes calmly now, listening to the night around me, and the rain pound to the earth. Though I shivered violently, the night sounds soothed me enough to sleep. Curled up on the top step of the home I felt most at home in. Even if they did abandon me, I needed them. I needed the comfort just being here brought, especially after all I'd been through in the last few months. Especially in my last few hours alive. I slept, shivering and cold, alone on the steps and waiting for death. I eased toward unconsciousness once more, praying I didn't wake up.

That was shattered when I woke as I felt myself lifted, and wrapped in a thick blanket. I left my eyes closed, my mind fighting having to wake up, though I knew it should bother me that someone was holding me.

I'd probably been finally found by some cop.

I lost further hope, knowing I was going to be saved. A quiet sob the only indication of my pain, both physical and emotional. My legs were wrapped around the strangers stomach, my arms curled between us. My eyes remained closed, too exhausted to open them. I didn't care where he was taking me. I was too weak to fight him.

I whimpered my protest, however, knowing it didn't come out very loud. Each breath rattled loudly in my chest, signifying the fact I was drowning. My chin rested weakly on the strangers shoulder, as I was too weak to hold it up.

"Can't you just let me die?" My chest constricted painfully as I coughed. He didn't respond, and I knew he was probably disturbed by my words.

It took me a moment to slowly come to the realization that I was no longer getting rained on, and I was warming up, yet I was still held. I wasn't in the backseat of a cop car, or ambulance. I could tell that easily.

My exhausted mind was slowly piecing everything together, sluggishly moving toward the answer. Despite my want to be closed in darkness again, it kept me conscious.

I hadn't been carried far, so the only explanation was that I was further onto the porch. Under the overhang. Yet, I recalled that I was warming up.

Finally, I could no longer take the mystery. I cried quietly when I blinked my eyes open once, and a warm, but bright light met them, causing my head to explode in agony. I squeezed them shut again, lowering my face into the blanket to try and hide from the pain. I couldn't be dead. If I was dead, I wouldn't be in this much pain.

I hadn't managed to see where I was in that split second of my eyes being open. Nothing of what I saw managed to filter through the pain.

"Turn off some of these lights." The one holding me instructed quietly. I knew at that moment, I'd lost my mind. I'd finally cracked, going completely insane.

Hearing Carlisle's voice confirmed it.

It caused a pain in me. A new, deep shattering of my heart that kept me from breathing, but soon, I no longer cared if I was insane. If this was insanity, hearing his voice, I'd take it. I felt myself lowered, laid on a soft, flat surface and wrapped tighter in the blanket. It was completely soaked through by now, and doing hardly any good at all.

"Leandra." I flinched at Carlisle's voice beside me now instead of in front of me, "Open your eyes."

"No." I replied breathlessly, my voice was tight with emotion and tears poured from behind my eyes.

"Why not?" He asked in return.

"Because I don't want to wake up." My voice made hardly a sound, as did the sobs that followed, "I'm still so tired."

"You're not dreaming, Leandra." He assured, "Just open your eyes. Look for yourself." I hesitated for a few more seconds, before forcing my eyes open just a bit. It took a few tries, but eventually I was able to keep them open. Squinted, but open.

I looked around, seeing that I'd been brought into the house. A dim light on in the corner somewhere allowed me to see without too much pain. It wasn't registering to me. I was confused, disoriented. I was inside. There wasn't much furniture inside yet, but enough to make the room feel warm, and I realized I laid on the couch. A fire crackled quietly in the fireplace to my right, warming the room further, but I was here. Inside the house I spent so much time locked out of. The only way that would have been able to happen was if...

I looked around, at everyone standing around this time. Meeting their eyes slowly. Jasper and Alice. Emmett, Rose, and Esme. Esme stepped closer, sitting on the armrest above my head. Each one smiled comfortingly as I looked to them, just as they always would have before. I frowned, unable to believe my eyes. Maybe I had finally died. Maybe I was still in the process of dying, and this was cruel joke my mind was playing on me.

"This has to be a dream." I whispered to myself, gasping for breath, "There's no way this can be real."

"It's real." Emmett murmured quietly, and I looked to him again, "What happened to your face, shorty?"

I couldn't make myself reply. Still heavily confused, my dizzy mind spinning further. I frowned, closing my eyes again. If this was a dream, this was the cruelest dream I'd ever had. I didn't want to trust it. I didn't want to get my hopes up, only to be crushed when I woke up. If it was a dream, though, Emmett would have already known what had happened, and wouldn't have asked that question.

"Leandra." I opened my eyes again, looking directly to the side at the one closest to me, kneeled on the floor beside the couch. Carlisle. Meeting his eyes, it suddenly hit me. As hard as Keith had hit me, the realization hit me that this was real. This wasn't a dream. They were really here with me.

I sat up quickly, my breathing racing as I crawled forward, wrapping my arms tightly around Carlisle's neck. In that instant, in the blink of an eye, I was in tears. Breathless sobs, my heart breaking in hope this time, trembling. Wrapping my arms around his neck as tight as I could, I ignored the smiles and laughs behind us.

Carlisle returned the hug, comforting me as I cried.

"It's okay now, Leandra." He murmured, "I assure you."

"Wait." I said after a moment. I fought out of his arms, and he let me pull back, "You left." My tear filled eyes were accusing, as was my tone as I looked at him. I watched the pain in his eyes for a second, plain as day before looking to everyone else, "You all left."

"Let me explain." Carlisle requested quietly.

"I needed you!" I sobbed, anger in my tone this time. I was surprised I could speak at all, much less shout, "You don't know how much I needed you. I needed you.." I took a breath, "So much." I shook my head, watching as Carlisle sighed sadly and met my eyes, "Do you even know what you left me to deal with? Do you even care?" I couldn't keep talking, despite how I wanted to. I cut off, coughing heavily. I panted for breath as if I'd been running, rather than speaking. I kept my eyes down, giving up my quest to keep shouting. I chose to just cry instead.

"I know what you've been through tonight, Leandra." Carlisle murmured, "I looked for you at your house." I closed my eyes in pain, squeezing my hands closed into fists. Gently, he reached forward and touched my chin, lifting it so I was looking up again. Turning my face to get a good look at the side of my face. The same side Keith had hit.

"What happened?" Emmett asked, concerned now.

"By the time I got there, there was nothing I could have done. For either of them." Carlisle continued, disregarding Emmett's question. I knew this. I nodded, attempting a sniffle for the first time. It worked, so I knew that somehow, my nose hadn't broken. It hurt deeply, though, and I smelled blood as I did so. I fought back the emotion for the first time tonight, not wanting so show my weaknesses to them.

As happy as I was to see them again, something I never thought would happen, I didn't dare trust that they were here to stay. Hesitantly, and still slightly dizzily, I met his eyes.

"You saw..?" I had to know if it was true. I needed him to confirm it, "Carlisle, I need to know. I ran before I could.. Is she..?"

"I'm so sorry, Leandra." He replied, and that was all the confirming I needed. I closed my eyes, hanging my head.

"I should have stayed." I shook my head, reaching up and touching the side of my face, "I could have helped her. I could have taken his focus, distracted him. I could have-"

"Leandra." He said, "You did what you could."

"You should have stayed." I mumbled, looking back up again. I was mixed up. Angry, hurt and overjoyed all at the same time. Seeing him again, kneeling right there in front of me. I honestly didn't know whether to hug him tight, and never let go. Or hit him. I didn't know whether to pull back from him, or forgive him.

"She's confused." Jasper murmured gently from the side, "Conflicted."

"Why did you leave me?" I asked almost silently, "How could you?"

"I never wanted to leave you." He told me, and I looked down again, "I promise you, I never wanted to."

"Then why?" My voice made almost no sound, emotion choking the air from my words, "Why did you leave me? You promised I'd never have to be alone again. You promised, and you broke that promise."

"Let me help you." He urged gently, "Then I'll explain everything." I only just then noticed how hard I was shivering. I hesitated, unsure if I even wanted to be helped.

"Help me how?" I finally asked, "Carlisle, I still don't know if I want to be helped. I don't want to be saved only to just suffer even more tomorrow." It still felt strange, talking to him.

"All I want to do is make sure you're okay." He said quietly, "And get you warm."

"A simple explanation won't make this go away." I admitted, looking down, "I'm so afraid to believe that you're really here. That I'm really here. I don't want to wake up in the morning, just as alone as I always was."

"You're not alone anymore." Esme murmured, and I turned my eyes to her.

"But for how long?" A tear slid down my cheek slowly, somehow holding more emotion in that one tear than my sobs had held, "If this really isn't a dream, I'm just as hesitant to trust it." I looked to Carlisle again, "But I guess I have no choice." Knowing that it was as close to an agreement from me as he was going to get, he stood. Offering his hand. I stared at it apprehensively at first. Unsure.

"Please." He said quietly, "Let me help you."

"It's okay now, Leandra." Alice offered from the side.

"I'm not asking you to trust me again yet." Carlisle said when I hesitated even longer, the sadness in his eyes seeming to overpower my own hesitancy, "I'm just asking you to let me help you." That didn't seem so bad.

I sighed as deeply as I could, coughing as a result. Giving in, I placed my hand in his. I felt his close gently around mine, helping me to my feet. Something that should have registered to me was that I hardly felt the temperature difference. Between his hand and mine. Mine was so numb with cold that I couldn't feel much of anything.

Esme came along as well, just to be in the room with me while I changed clothes and dried off. To make sure I didn't fall or anything, for which I was grateful as I was still too weak to stand on my own.

I was led to my old room. The one that had been mine for the entire time I was there. The bed had been replaced, as well as a handful of other furniture items. Void of my personal belongings, but it still held the same memories. This was home to me, and somehow being here comforted me more than hurt me. I was able to relax a fraction, and just take a breath.

As I was changing, I discovered just how banged up I really was. Finally finding long wall mirror to inspect my deeply bruised face.

The darkest part of the bruise started on my upper cheek, just under my left eye. Spreading lower and wider, over my cheek bone and down, bruising my entire cheek, part of my nose and a bit toward my jaw. Almost connecting with the split in my swollen lip. Deep purple spread nearly the entire span of the left side of my face. I still had traces of blood over my lips and a bit down my neck, despite how wet I'd gotten in the rain.

Meeting my own eyes in the mirror, I saw the emotions I felt clearly in my green eyes. The fear, and pain. The weak, vulnerable way I felt.

My shoulders each held unique bruises, from taking most of the force of being thrown against the wall. As well as my upper arm from where he grabbed me. I turned, meeting Esme's eyes sadly. She saw the bruises. She saw first what other bruises I'd been hiding.

I was banged up pretty good, but the worst part of my over all state was my health. I struggled for each breath I took, and I could clearly feel the fever burning under my skin. I briefly wondered how bad it had gotten, and just how much the adrenaline was covering.

I had to admit. Getting out of those icy clothes and drying off did make me feel slightly better. Esme helped me, standing nearby to catch me if I fell. I'd been given a large, white wool sweatshirt, and heavy dark gray cotton sweatpants. Heavy socks to pull onto my frozen feet, and I curled my hands into the sleeves of the sweatshirt. A blanket was wrapped around me, and both Esme and I sat on the bed as Carlisle was allowed to come in.

Esme was seated behind me, gently patting my hair dry as Carlisle took a seat on the side of the bed.

The first thing he did was place a hand over my forehead gently, checking my temperature. I recalled this same feeling several weeks ago, while the stranger took care of me in my room that night. The same relief easing my nerves as it had back then.

"Your fever has gone back up again." He murmured gently, and I understood. Why hadn't I seen it before? I hadn't even considered the idea that it could have been him.

"That was you?" I croaked, surprised, "In my room that night. You were there." He met my eyes, giving me a silent affirmation, "Why didn't you say anything?"

"If you'd have known it was me," He said, handing me a wet disposable cloth and a hand mirror, "I wouldn't have been able to force myself to leave." I would not have let him leave again. He was right.

I knew he wanted me to clean whatever blood was left off of my face. As I did so, I watched the way he wordlessly worked, pulling pills out of a few bottles. The same way he had in the dark those weeks ago.

"I never knew." I whispered, palming the pills he handed me, "I never even thought.."

"I thought for sure you would figure it out." He attempted a comforting smile, but it faded as soon as it was there.

"Was that you as well? In Port Angeles?" He didn't deny it, so I knew it was, "You led me to Bella that night."

"I had a reason for doing so." He told me softly.

"Charlie?" I asked, trying so hard to understand, "I blew that opportunity out of the water. God if I wasn't so stupid. So stubborn.." I hesitated, looking back up at him as he handed me a bottle of water. I swallowed all of the pills he handed me, and finished the whole thing. Not even realizing just how thirsty I was.

"Have you eaten yet tonight?" He asked, and I thought that was a strange question.

"No." I answered, "I haven't eaten since Tuesday." Two days ago. He nodded.

"Alice." He called, looking toward the door as she suddenly poked her head in, "Please bring us something for her to eat. Preferably something with a high sugar content."

"I'm not hungry." I protested quietly, shaking my head.

"It's not about hunger, Leandra." He explained gently, "Though that is a good reason. I'm also trying to prevent shock."

"Oh." I muttered, nodding. That made sense.

As Alice was retrieving something for me to eat, he checked me over. Checking for concussions, and feeling gently along my cheek, nose, and jaw. Having me open and close my mouth, just to make sure my jaw wasn't broken. Apparently, it wasn't. Neither was my nose. I'd narrowly escaped it though, and I understood that. Keith had hit me full force. I was shocked I hadn't died instantly.

After a few minutes of checking me over, Alice returned with a plate of cookies. Before I could even take one, Carlisle stood, lifting his bag. He turned to leave and with energy I didn't know I had, I crawled forward, kneeling up and wildly grasping for his hand. My hand closed as far around his wrist as it could, and he paused, looking back down at me.

"I'll be back." He assured me, "I just need to get something from my other bag."

"Don't leave." I plead quietly, "Please." He searched my eyes, seeing just what his leaving had done to me.

"I'll get it, Carlisle." Esme offered, lifting the damp towel and standing.

"I need the five-hundred milligram antibiotic. I thought the two-fifty would do, but she needs stronger." Esme nodded in understanding, "And bring me the smaller bottle of Mirtazapine. Fifteen milligram." She nodded again, giving him a quick kiss before leaving the room. I didn't release his hand until he sat back down. I sat back down, looking down.

"Sorry." I eventually said, "I didn't mean to do that."

"No, it's understandable." He replied, "It's alright, Leandra."

"How often?" I asked after a moment of silence, "How often would you be around?"

"At first, I tried to stay away." He said, "I honestly tried."

"When did you first see me again?" I was curious. I wanted to know how long I'd had him back, but never known it.

"December." He responded, "When you weren't at home, I had to search. I found you here. Your reaction to being watched just resolved what I thought to be true. You were afraid."

"That was you." I murmured in understanding, "I'd never felt that way before."

"I was there." He told me, "The whole night. I didn't know what you were hiding from at the time, but when the police started here, I pieced it together. I was the one that woke you."

"Then.." I replied, "You know what else happened that day." I stared downward, too humiliated to look back up.

"Who do you think was on the phone?" My eyes darted up, suddenly filled with such a grateful emotion.

"That was you?" I asked again, "Even when you weren't there, you were there." My voice held an awe I wasn't prepared to show just yet. I looked back down, my eyes welling with tears, "I ran. Straight to my mom. If I had just left it alone, the fights would never have started. Sure, I'd still be hating life, but my mom would still have hers."

I looked back up as Esme returned, handing Carlisle the bottles of pills and sitting back down beside me. I didn't hesitate this time. I threw my arms around her, giving her a hug that clearly told her just how much I'd missed her as well.

She returned it with just as much emotion as I did. Possibly even more as her hand smoothed the back of my head, comforting me gently, but so much more than she realized.

I recognized the pills Carlisle handed me. The antibiotic, and the small pill. The one that was meant to help me sleep.

Before taking it, I voiced my hesitancy.

"Will you still be here when I wake up?" I asked quietly, looking between the two of them. Pleading with my eyes.

"Of course." Esme told me with certainty, and the look in her eyes convinced me. Pure determination. Without another moments hesitation, I swallowed both pills.

I settled into bed just as I heard the front door open. I looked up curiously, and Esme smoothed my hair from my bruised cheek gently.

"It's just Bella and Edward." She explained, and I nodded.

"Stay." I requested quietly, "At least until I fall asleep. Please." She didn't budge, staying seated beside me. Carlisle doing the same. It didn't take long for the sleeping aid to kick in, and almost instantly, I drifted off. Falling straight to sleep.

**A/N: Next chapter is definitely the last. It's already planned, dang it lol  
I hope you enjoyed this one, and I know someone will be happy about their return. :D**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

I slept through the night, and didn't dream, surprisingly. Every other time I'd taken that pill, it made me dream. Often things I didn't want to think about. I warmed up, gaining just a bit of my energy back.

To be safe, I decided I would treat the entire situation like a dream. I was protecting myself the best I could, not yet fully believing that they would ever come back. Daylight came, however, and when I woke, I was still right there. Safe as I could be after what I'd experienced the night before, and warmer than I'd been in a long while. Both metaphorically, and literally.

Sitting up, I looked around my room. Despite being comforted by the fact that I was still there, I was still so afraid to count on this. As I'd slept, I'd come to the conclusion that this wasn't a dream. Their return was real and I was facing that now, but I wondered if it was sincere.

It took me a moment to realize that I was already breathing better. Just a little, but I could pull in a breath without gasping for it.

I climbed out of bed, leaving the room. In search of anyone. I stepped out to find the living room put back together. All the furniture back to where it was. It was also full of people, eight pairs of eyes on me. The final two not being Edward or Bella, though. The final two were Charlie, and Richard.

I didn't want to face that right then.

"Leandra." Richard sighed, stepping over to me. He pulled me into a relieved hug, and I stiffened, confused, "I was so worried. When you ran off, I had no idea where you'd gone." I looked up at him, seeing that he really meant no harm. He wasn't pretending to care. He really did care.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, my voice still hoarse.

"It's understandable, Leandra. Witnessing that."

"I didn't witness it." I reminded him, looking down.

"Hearing it is still witnessing it." He explained, "Leandra, I'm so sorry about your mother." I flinched, not liking the subject.

"Can we not talk about it?" I requested near silently.

"As much as I'd like not to, I'm afraid it's needed." I looked to Charlie as he sighed sadly, "I need to know what went on last night."

I gritted my teeth, looking down.

"My mom's boyfriend pissed me off, and I reacted." I grumbled bitterly, "I threw something at him, and he didn't duck. He chased me-"

"Whoa." Charlie said, "If we're doing this, we're doing it right. Have a seat."

"No." I said, "I'm only saying this once, but I'm not sitting to do it."

"Okay." Charlie told me gently, "Just give me a moment, then." I sighed in annoyance, watching as he prepared to take my statement. I coughed, bringing my hands into the sleeves of my sweater.

"Alright." Charlie murmured after writing quickly, "You said you and him got into it?" I nodded, "How did that happen?" I hesitated, looking down.

"He said something, and I reacted to it." I mumbled, shrugging.

"What did he say to you?" He asked quietly.

"Does it really matter?" I snapped, looking up.

"I'm afraid so." He said, "If it sparked the altercation, I need to know."

"He said.." I bit my lip lightly, sighing heavily and looking at him, "He told me that in five years, I'd turn out to be a little slut. Just like my mother. His little slut." I paused, watching as Charlie cringed a bit, writing on the paper. I sighed, relieved to have that piece of information out of the way. I looked up, watching as Esme made her way to me, standing beside me just as Richard was.

"Okay, you said you also threw something at him?"

"Yeah." I said, "I threw a can opener right at his head. As hard as I could. I'm a pretty good aim when I'm pissed." Charlie nodded, "It hit him right here." I brought my hand up, touching over my left eye brow, "Made him bleed pretty good, too." After I paused, I continued, "I never expected it to actually hit him. I thought he'd duck or something. I really did."

"What happened next?"

I took as deep a breath as I could manage, and sighed it out before answering, "I ran from the room, because he was pissed, too. Coming straight for me, so I ran. He chased me around the living room for a few minutes as I called for my m-mom." I stumbled a little on the last word, having to swallow around the emotion in my throat, "She came out of her bedroom, and.. Well, I guess I was so surprised that she actually came out when I called for her, that I forgot to keep running. He pulled me away from mom, threw me against the wall, pinned me there and punched me. That's how I got this." I touched the bruised portion of my face, and Charlie nodded solemnly. I waited for him to finish writing before I went on.

"I couldn't move right away. I just remember.. Laying on the floor for a minute. I couldn't hear anything but a loud ringing in my ears, and I was real dizzy. I watched my mom and him scream at each other, but I couldn't hear a lot of what they said. By the time the ringing stopped, she was coming back over to me. To see if I was alright, because I was bleeding so bad from my nose." I was trying to put as many details into this as possible so I wouldn't have to go back and explain anything, "He kicked her, so I bit him. He threw me against the wall again, and my mom punched him. She took me to my room, and told me to run. No. Begged me to run. To get out of the house, and get away." My words were speeding up, getting more upset the more I thought about it.

I clenched my teeth, closing my eyes, "So I did. I ran up the street, straight to Richard's house. I knocked on his door, and I.. I got his attention. I didn't know something like that would happen, otherwise I would have stayed. I wouldn't have left her there. I should have stayed." Esme pulled me into a hug, and I accepted it easily, "I should never have left her."

It was quiet for a minute as I hardly noticed my cries. Esme keeping her arms securely around me, giving me the comfort I so badly needed. Charlie continued to write, quickly writing across the page. I let him catch up. I was done with my story, or so I thought.

"Where did you go?" He asked, "When you ran from Richard, where did you go?"

"Here." I sniffled, "It was the only place I knew nobody would find me."

He frowned in confusion, "We looked for you here."

"Not well enough. Nobody checked the trees." I argued, shaking my head, "I just wanted to be someplace I knew." I left out my deeply upset suicidal thoughts. He didn't need to hear that. I watched as he set the paper to the side, leaning forward and looking at me.

"An official from the state will be here later this afternoon." I heard that and my eyes went wide. I gasped, and backed out of Esme's arms, shaking my head. Seeing how upset I got at just the mention, Charlie stood, "But.. It's only to ask you your opinion again." My shallow breathing was still panicked, so he sighed, "They won't take you if you choose not to go, and if Dr. Cullen decides to renew their application to foster you. Under circumstances like these, it's not a hard decision to make, leaving you where you choose to be if you're well taken care of and have your needs met."

I looked to Carlisle, standing behind the couch. It was up to him. It was his decision, and his decision alone whether I stayed here. Would he give me away? Would he deny me the option to stay here again?

A short while later, Charlie and Richard had gone, with a request from me to tell Andrew I said hi. Leaving us to prepare for the official later in the afternoon. I sat on the end of the couch, my legs drawn up to my chest. Staring off into space. Carlisle stood to my right, speaking quietly to Emmett and Jasper.

"Carlisle." I murmured as soon as there was a pause in their murmuring, looking up at him as he looked down at me, "I need to know. Am I staying here? Or am I going?"

A hint of desperation entered my voice, and I couldn't keep the begging back, "Please don't give me away. I-I know I'm not the best kid in the world. I'm not the prettiest, or the smartest, or the most talented. I know I don't have much worth, but I promise. If you just let me stay, if you don't give me away, I promise I'll never misbehave again. I won't run away, I won't talk back, or beg for anything. I won't cuss, or even complain. Please don't give me away. Don't leave me again." Before I could continue, he quieted me with just a look. Stepping forward, he sat beside me and pulled me into a hug, and I realized I was crying. Sobbing into his shirt the way I always had before they left.

"Easy, Leandra." He assured quietly, "You're not going anywhere. I'm so sorry for hurting you the way I did."

I couldn't form a response. I was too upset to even attempt it. I just hugged onto him tighter, squeezing my eyes shut. When he hugged me tighter as well, I started to slowly calm down.

"Why didn't you help me?" I asked, after my sobs had subsided, and only the small tears remained, "Why didn't you tell me you were around?"

"Using Edward's words, I wanted you to live your life without any interference from us. I saw the fear in your eyes that night." I noticed Jasper look down out of the corner of my eye, "Leandra, I must admit, I failed to think these things through. Making a rash decision without much consideration."

"I wasn't afraid of you that night." I shook my head into his shirt, "Or even really Jasper."

"Don't lie to me, Leandra." Jasper murmured, shaking his head as well. I looked to him, reluctantly releasing Carlisle and sitting upright.

"I'm not." I insisted, "I wasn't afraid of you. I was startled. I'd never seen anyone act the way you did before, so it was new to me. Just because I was startled, didn't mean I was afraid of you. It caught me off guard, is all." I hesitated, "I'm not afraid of you. I know to be careful, but that's as far as it goes. How could I ever be afraid of you?" I looked down.

I wasn't feeling well again, and knew the pills Carlisle had given me were wearing off. I needed another dose. I could feel my fever again, and the flush of my cheeks probably announced its return. It was making me even more tired. I wasn't about to say anything, though. I was cold, chills making me shiver, so I scooted over toward the free end of the couch, drawing my knees back up to my chest.

"You could have at least taken me with you." I mumbled, keeping my eyes down, "Then maybe mom wouldn't have brought _him_ home. I knew right away he was worse than Jack. Jack at least would never have killed her. No matter how mad he got, he never considered it. He always just took it out on me." I paused, "Sorry. I'll shut up now."

"No." Jasper said, "It's okay."

"I promised I wouldn't complain." I curled tighter into my ball, resting my chin on my knees.

"You have every right to be upset." Carlisle reasoned beside me. I shook my head, sighing quietly.

"I have no right to complain." I paused, finally looking over, and into his eyes, "I'm the runt that nobody wants."

"We want you." Esme said quietly, concern in her voice. I jumped and looked to her, pausing to choke on a cough. I wasn't used to their quietness.

"Can I ask something?" I asked, looking to Carlisle.

"Of course."

"What happens when you leave again? What'll I do then?" I paused, "All I ask, is just warn me before you drop me. Please. At very least, next time you leave me, give me a chance to say goodbye.."

"If we were to go anywhere again," Carlisle said, "You'd be coming with us." I bit my lip, wincing slightly at the pain in the bruising and split. Carlisle's eyes inspected it slightly before he sighed, "I promise you. We'll never leave you alone again."

I looked down in thought. Would I forgive them that easily? Another way to think of it was did I really want to live the rest of my life on the streets? The real question was did I have a choice? I thought about ending my life again. I did have that option, but did I really want to try that, now that they were back?

"Can I think about it?" I asked in a whisper, "I'm so afraid to believe you again."

"Of course." He said. I nodded, and sighed. Wincing hard and a rough shiver rolling through me. My body protesting roughly at how much I'd put it through, "So." I sighed, "What are we doing? Fostering me again, until you get bored?"

"We were thinking something more permanent." Esme replied quietly.

I narrowed my eyes in confusion, "What.. Like?"

Carlisle sighed, "Considering you have no options left.." He trailed off a bit, pausing, "I'm sure the state wouldn't mind too much approving a place where you won't be moved. Somewhere familiar to you. Also considering what you've been through, I'm quite sure they'd take your opinion into consideration."

"Okay?" I asked, a yawn escaping me. My tired mind wasn't comprehending what they were telling me.

"Leandra, they're asking if it'd be alright with you if they applied to adopt you." Rose explained, entering the room with a small smile on her face. That did it. I was surprised, looking to Carlisle.

"W-What, like.. For good?" I asked, looking between Carlisle and Esme, "No more leaving? No more tossing me around like a volley ball?" Carlisle nodded, "I'd stay _here_?" Carlisle nodded again, seeming amused. I looked down for a moment in thought. Now and then glancing up at Esme and him. The others were quiet as I considered the idea.

A stable home. Well, maybe not so stable, but at least it would be permanent. For good.

"No more giving me away?" I had to make absolutely sure, "I wouldn't ever have to go somewhere else to live?"

"No, Leandra." Carlisle said, "This would be your home. For good."

"No matter what?"

"No matter what."

At just the thought of it being permanent, that there was no chance at all that they'd leave me anywhere, or have to give me away, I started to cry a little. At just the thought of if they were serious about this, about adopting me, making it official, that my family would be just that. My family. Not halfway mine, not just a little mine. Fully mine. I'd be theirs. Their responsibility. Their little sister, and their daughter.

It was hard for me to wrap my head around. Carlisle still waited for an answer, so I nodded gently. Unable to speak. I found that I'd like for them to adopt me. I'd like to belong somewhere. Actually getting what I so desperately wanted for once in my life. A family.

Shortly after that, I was asleep on the couch, curled into a ball which had become comfortable for me. I felt like I had been falling for the passed several months, and just before I hit the ground, I was caught again. All I had to do was get through the next few days.

I chose to stay in the same clothes I had arrived in, declining Alice's offer to buy me a whole new closet full of clothes just yet. She went out and bought me new clothes anyway. Brand new warm pajamas, as well as plain jeans and tshirts.

A lot of traffic came to the Cullen's door. The people around town heard that they were back. Some wanted to welcome them back, sending flowers and cards.

As well as the official and Charlie. I resisted the urge to run from them, curling into my sweater instead. The official seemed like a nice enough man, and I knew that I had to make him like me. His name was Jason Turner, and he was the one person standing in the way of me and my family.

"Leandra, I know this is a hard time for you, so I'll try to keep this visit as short as possible." He told me, his kind hazel eyes on me, "What do you want?" I was quiet, so he rephrased his question, "Would you rather stay where you are, or would you like me to keep the options open? Right now, it's up to you, but I need you to let me know right now your choice. Because no offense, and I mean this is the best way possible, but I don't want to see your name come up again. I don't want to have to see you again."

"I want to stay." I said confidently after a moment, "I'd like to stay with the Cullens."

"You're sure?" He asked quietly.

"I'm positive. I don't want to have to see you again, either, but if you place me somewhere else, we're going to meet again. Here is where my home is. It'll never be anywhere else, but with this family." Though I was feeling a little numb over the events of the last few hours, I was able to add so much more emotion than I expected I could. He smiled and nodded a little at my response.

"I'll personally see to it that it happens." He replied, writing in the folder spread open over his knee.

He left a short while later, and I went back to resting on the couch.

Charlie stayed the whole afternoon, talking with Carlisle. Probably about how Bella had reacted to them leaving, and what they had decided regarding me. About my trouble over the last few months, or how close I came to being taken from my mom.

It felt nice having others handle everything for once. All I had to do was sit there and answer questions when asked something.

I rested, in all senses of the word. Basking in the relief it was to be able to cough, and have it be productive. To be able to breathe without having to fight for it. To close my eyes and not have to dread opening them again. To be able to stay warm at night, and not have to worry about the fighting or shouting. To know that my family was back, and had agreed to take me in again. To know they were there again, and I was safe.

As much as it hurt to think about the past, I couldn't hold it against them. I understood why they'd gone, and though they could have handled it better, it showed me that they made mistakes at times as well. Nobody was perfect, no matter how they seemed to be to me.

I didn't ask for much in life, but peace of mind.

I was exhausted by the time evening came. So much, I fell asleep curled up under a thick blanket on the couch before dinner. I was allowed to stay there, waking up after an hour or so to another doorbell. More flowers.

I reflected a lot that day, more so after dinner. About all the things I hadn't had a chance to yet. Losing my mother, especially in the way it happened. I cried again over that, until Jasper helped ease my suffering. I had warned her. I told her she couldn't handle someone like him. He was just too dangerous, too angry all the time. I saw what she didn't see, and if she'd listened earlier, the way it ended might have been prevented.

I missed her, it was true. Despite our past, I loved her. She was the one constant in my life, the one variable in the passed year and a half of changes that had stayed the same. She'd been the one that had been with me since the very beginning. Since my life first began, and even though she was unconscious through most of my childhood, she'd been there. I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for her. She'd given me my life, and she'd saved my life by giving her own.

I cried quietly as I laid there, not having the energy needed to sob. Nor the want. Jasper had eased my pain quite a bit, but left me just enough to grieve with. I appreciated that. It eased me into understanding more about what happened, and helped me find a way to be okay with it.

I eventually cried myself back to sleep that way, knowing that the next day, I'd have to do the hardest task I could think of.

Telling my dad what happened, if no one else already hadn't.

Despite their own rocky past, I knew some part of him always loved her. This news wasn't going to be easy on him, but he needed to know. I knew the funeral arrangements were going to be taken care of, if they hadn't been already, so I didn't have to worry him about that.

I woke briefly a bit later, knowing I'd been moved from the couch. Just by the softness of the bed. My bed. Rolling over and curling the blanket tight to me. I was vaguely aware of someone seated at my bedside, and I knew who it was this time. Reaching out, I felt his hand in my own, and opened my eyes, confirming what I already knew. I met Carlisle's eyes, and sighed. Now was as good a time to tell him as any.

"I had nightmares." I admitted quietly, "About you leaving. It took me the longest time to realize that my mind was comparing you leaving, to my mom never coming to help me." It was clear he didn't know what to say, "I guess it was because I was so hurt that you'd just leave me without saying goodbye. When mom first brought Keith home, it only got stronger. More painful because then, I needed you. When Keith first threatened me, all I could think about was knowing you'd know what to do if you were there. I didn't know what to do."

"Leandra, I'm so sorry." He said again.

"It's okay. I know why you did it, but I didn't back then. I didn't have the slightest clue as to why you'd just leave for no reason. Especially after promising me last year that you'd never do that. After promising me that you'd always be with me." I hesitated for a moment, sighing heavily and sniffling a little, "It's so strange. Trying to adjust to having everyone with me again. I'm not used to not being required to be strong. And I'm still trying to resist the routine of walking through town every night to come here."

"That was very dangerous." He told me and I smiled a little.

"I always knew you'd say that." I was quiet for a moment longer, before looking back up at him, "Thank you. For helping me that night. The night I'd gotten back from Port Angeles. The next day, I got to spend quality time with my mom for the first and only time. She stayed with me, and we talked for so long." I smiled a little, remembering it.

"You needed looking after." He replied, "It really wasn't hard to help you."

"I know." I said quietly.

"The hardest part was leaving again." He admitted and I looked up at him.

"Funny how things work out sometimes, isn't it?" I gave him a small smile, "Climbing into a window, locked window, mind you, and managing to get me to take four pills without me screaming my head off was easier than the simple task of leaving." He nodded in agreement.

"Carlisle?" I asked, meeting his eyes, "Were you serious before? About adopting me?"

"I was." He said without hesitation or a hint of doubt, "As selfish as it sounds, I'm tired of having to say goodbye to you. To be forced to let others decide what's best for you. I may still be learning about the trials of raising a child, and you'll have to forgive my mistakes, but I firmly believe that it is what's best for you. If only to be given the knowledge that you're certainly worth trying for." I couldn't help the wider smile.

"That doesn't sound selfish." I shook my head into my pillow, "Not at all, because I'm so tired of that, too." He gave me a gentle smile.

"Get some sleep, Leandra." He murmured, giving my hand a soft squeeze, "I'll be here when you wake up." I nodded and closed my eyes.

I realized then that Carlisle meant more to me than I previously realized. They all did, but him especially. He was more than just someone willing to take on a foster daughter when he really didn't have to. He was more of a father to me than either Jack, or my real father had been. He didn't just take the role of father figure in my life.

He taught me how to trust.

To trust someone else with my well-being, and know for a fact that they never expected too much of me. There was so much more to that than it seemed, and I was just beginning to understand that.

Carlisle taught me that even though sometimes those we trust the most hurt us with only good intentions on their minds, that it's okay. That someone, like me, who is quite new to trusting can also learn another valuable lesson. Forgiveness.

And in my opinion, forgiveness was something even more beautiful than trust alone, because trust after forgiveness means so much more.

**End**

**A/N: Goodness me, that was a tough one- Finding a place to end this.  
Thank you to my beautiful reviewers! It really does mean the world to me to read what you have to say about this. I love, love, love to read your thoughts.  
I _have_ to give a shout out to the song "Castle Of Glass" by Linkin Park for the motivation it gave me for these last few chapters. Many others contributed, but that one helped me most.  
Again, if I decide to upload the Eclipse version of this, those that are following me will be the first to know about it. I think I'll wait on that one. I need to work on getting rid of whatever bug I've been fighting before trying to concentrate on the Eclipse version. If I decide to at all. ;D  
We shall see, my beautiful readers. We shall see!  
**


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